IAL: Indian Advertisements League

IBL: Indian Bollywood League

ICL: Indian Controversies League

IDL: Indian Dollars League

IEL: Indian Entertainment League

IFL: Indian Featherbed League

IGL: Indian Greed League

IHL: Indian Hype League

IIL: Indian Injuries League

IJL: Indian Jamboree League

IKL: Indian Kangaroo League (Aussies rule)

ILL: Indian Lalit League

IML: Indian Modi League

INL: Indian Nautanki League

IOL: Indian Outsourced League (Season 2)

IPL: Indian Paisa League

IQL: Indian Quantitative League (As against Qualitative)

IRL: Indian Retirees League

ISL: Indian Sponsorship League

ITL: Indian TRPs League

IUL: Indian Unorthodox League

IVL: Indian Valuable League

IWL: Indian Widening League (10 in 2011, 12-14 thereafter)

IXL: Indian Xerox League (Anyone remember ICL was the original?)

IYL: Indian YouTube League

IZL: Indian Zeppelin League (Blimp ads)

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

If you live in the most populous state of India:
Vote for…
1. A party whose leader is busy building statues in her image and receiving garlands worth crores of Rupees.
2. A party whose leader doesn’t know what governance is and believes Romeos will whistle at Women MPs.
3. A party which knocked down a religious structure and then went on to decimate its own party leadership.
4. A party which used to bag 100% Lok Sabha seats in the State; which gave the country a few PMs and yet hardly did any development in its decades of rule.

If you live in the State that houses the financial capital of India:
Vote for…
1. A party which has ruled the state for decades and currently seems to have no ideology whatsoever.
2. A party with an extreme ideology.
3. A newer party with an even more extreme ideology.
4. A party whose ideology currently seems confused but seems to support the party with the extreme ideology.

If you live in the most intellectual state of India:
Vote for…
1. A party which has been ruling for decades and hardly has any development to show for it and who’s muscle power is more visible than anything else.
2. A party whose leader is the ultimate agitator and one feels will just agitate and not govern or rule if it comes to power.
3. A party which unleashed such violence in the sixties and seventies that people still do not want to touch it with a bargepole.
4. A party which has a marginal presence in this part of the country and who’s ideology no-one can identify with.

If you live in a State that has been granted special status:
Vote for…
1. A party that belongs to the Abdullah dynasty.
2. A party that belongs to the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty.
3. A party that belongs to the Sayeed dynasty.
4. A party that doesn’t belong to any dynasty.

If you live in God’s Own Country:
Vote for…
A coin will do as there are only two groupings have any chance of being in power and that’s the way it’s been for decades.

© Sunil Rajguru

We all know that all our politicians are worth hundreds of crores.
Yet when they flaunt a few crores, we get rattled.

We all know that all our politicians are corrupt, which is a crime, hence they are all criminals.
But only the chargesheeted ones upset us.

We all frown on nepotism in every walk of life.
Yet one family has been ruling this country for more than half of its Independent existence and we know and accept that another sonrise is due.

If we meet 90% of our work targets, then we feel really bad.
But if politicians even meet 10% of their targets, we get very happy.

© Sunil Rajguru

Very recently, there was a political rally in Mysore which was attacked by bees.

Please read to the tune of the Baha Men song Who Let the Dogs Out…

Who let the bees out? (Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz)
Who let the bees out? (Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz)

When the rally was nice, the politicians were jumpin’ (Hey-yippie-yi-yo)
And everybody havin’ a ball (Hah-ho-yippie-yi-yo)
Someone told the fellas “start the fire smokin” (Yippie-yi-yo)
And the police report to call that the poor beehive is down

Who let the bees out? (Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz)
Who let the bees out? (Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz)

I see ya’ little speedy bees head up our coast
They really gotta step down
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you bumbling buzzing monster

Who let the bees out? (Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz)
Who let the bees out? (Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz)

Wait for y’all the bees, the FIR is on
They gotta get the queenbee the cops got their mind on
Do you see the conspiracy theories comin’ from every eye
What could you be thinking fiend
By breakin’ that poor beehive down?

Who let the bees out? (Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz)
Who let the bees out? (Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz)

Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

(Original Song: Who Let The Dogs Out?
Group: Baha Men
Year: 2000)

• Father: No news of him. He just fell off the Face of the Earth.
Son: No news of him. He just fell off Facebook.

• Today I’ve been feeling really lonely… like I’m the only person on Earth.
Maybe you should see a doctor.
Nah! I’ll be fine tomorrow. My Internet connection is down today.

• Dad…
…when we die, does our soul go to cyberspace?
…did people interact with each other before there were social networking sites?
…if they unleash a virus, then will there be a virtual famine in Farmville?

© Sunil Rajguru

Please read to the tune of Bunty aur Babli…

Chal chal chal chal chalat chalat jab thaat dikhaye aur baat dikhaye oye Money!
Pal pal pal pal palat palat jab kamar ghumaye aur hosh udaye oye Mayadi!
Arre lattu ghumaike chakkar chalaike loot le ho duniya ko thenga dikhaike,
Aisa koi saga nahi jisko thaga nahi aisi mari langdi ki soya jaga nahi,
Chal chal chal chal chalat chal jab thaat dikhaye aur baat dikhaye oye Money!
Pal pal pal pal palat palat jab kamar ghumaye aur hosh udaye oye Mayadi!
Money aur Mayadi, Money aur Mayadi,
In dono ki jodi shamat shamat aur qayamat yaaron… ho ho!!!

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

(Original Song: Bunty aur Babli
Film: Bunty aur Babli
Year: 2005)

Madam Supremo,

I am humbly suggesting my humble suggestion at making our party more eco-friendly. India has thousands of leaders who attend thousands of rallies in a day and are felicitated with garlands of hundreds of flowers per garland. That is millions of flowers per day and billions in a year! To think Madam Supremo, billions of flowers are plucked by selfish human hands only to go into the dustbin! This is the criminal waste! Tonnes of floral waste are also released into the environment every year.

We need a solution for this. Recycling is the mantra of the environmental world. There should be no waste, only recycling. What is the ultimate recycle of the modern world? Money! The same note comes out of the mint, goes into the bank and exchanges hands between poor people, rich people, businessmen, politicians… We can inaugurate new notes as garlands after which they will be disbanded and released into the party and further into the nation. Let us call them “Note Garlands” and implement them with immediate effect. They are eco-friendly and will help save the environment!

We can authorize garlands according to denomination and rank accordingly:

Rs 1000 notes: For Madam Supremo only.
Rs 500 notes: For senior party functionaries.
Rs 100 notes: For district level heads.
Rs 50, 20, 10, 5 notes: Free for all.
Re 1 and Rs 2 notes: Classic old notes. In short supply. For Madam Supremo on special occasions only.

To think of the enormous free publicity we will get on 24 hour news channels! There will be no need to print pamphlets for party propaganda, a further saving for the environment!

We encourage other professions to follow suit:
Journalists can felicitate Editors with garlands of yesterday’s newspapers.
Star Hotels can felicitate VVIPs with garlands of used paper napkins.
Students can felicitate teachers with garlands of used notebooks and of textbooks.
Municipalities can felicitate leaders with garlands of fallen leaves.
And so on and so forth.

We have only one planet.
Let us save it.
Jai Hind!
Jai Madam!

Yours Sincerely,
Co-ordinator
Party Felicitation Committee

© Sunil Rajguru