Pak: I know.

US: I know.

Pak: I know that you know.

US: I know that you know.

Pak: I know that you know that I know.

US: I know that you know that I know.

India: I know. Everyone knows. I know that you all know. Everyone knows that you all know. We also know that we can do absolutely nothing about it.

Rest of the World: The cup of knowledge is full. We don’t want to know anymore.

Post Script: Looks like WikiLeaks just joined the “I Know Club”. More leaks around the corner…

P.P.S.: Ignorance is bliss. Knowledge is Useless.

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

Pak’s got nukes because India has them.
India went nuclear to counter China.
China got the A-bomb to match Russia and America.
Russia made nukes to keep up with America.
America went nuclear because it was scared of Hitler.
Hitler was hopping mad at the humiliation of World War 1 and wanted to take German domination to a totally new level.
WW1 happened because the European colonial powers wanted to maintain a balance of power.
European colonial powers were merely aping the ancient colonial trends set by the Greeks, Romans and Egyptians more than a thousand years before them.
The first Egyptian colony was established in Canaan before 3000 BC.
So tomorrow if a Pak nuke goes rogue, just blame it on an ancient colony that was established 5000 years ago…

© Sunil Rajguru

• Admit to an affair and destroy a Respected Sports Icon.

• Log on to Twitter and launch a revolution.

• Sneeze and scare your entire neighbourhood.

• Smash a few atoms and scare the entire world.

• Give a fancy speech and get a Nobel Prize.

• Threaten nuclear anarchy and get a few billion dollars.

• Go on a fast and single-handedly create a State.

• Show a sleazy tape and a sack a Governor.

• Throw a shoe and retire a Minister.

© Sunil Rajguru

A cynic’s ringside view of the recently concluded Copenhagen climate summit…

One Problem: The world is getting hotter.
One Solution: Cut down on greenhouse gases.
One Roadblock: No-one really wants to do so, but all the countries are ready to spend billions of dollars and burn umpteen tonnes of greenhouse gases to hold dozens of conferences to allegedly inch forward in the form of treaties and resolutions.

A for Acting and Actors: Is anyone really interested in a deal? Everyone was merely enacting out a drama and hoping to get home soon.

B for BASIC: Brazil, America, South Africa, India, China. A so-called Copenhagen power group. But when there are more acronyms than agreements, you know you are in real trouble.

C for Chindia: China+India and their coming together briefly. But whether you like it or not, unless the world has these two countries on their side, more than 2 billion of the world’s population is out of it. Though they were arm-twisted by the US, we are still not sure what will happen in these regions.

D for Danish Text: A document that talked of “keeping average global temperature rises to two degrees Celsius above pre-industrial levels” but ended up being another battleground between the two Ds: Developed and Developing countries.

E for Everyone: The head of the Chinese delegation said: Everyone is happy. Wow! Overstatement of the year?

F for Fredrik Reinfeldt: Who’s he? That’s what even the US thinks too, for a news report said he got an SMS saying that the deal was wrapped up even though he was still negotiating. For the record, the Swedish Prime Minister is the EU president.

G for Global Warming, for Greenhouse Effect, for Greenhouse Gas: Is Global Warming happening in the first place? If it is, will countries cut down on emissions? And if they will, will it really make a difference? We live in a very iffy world.

H for Hundred Billion Dollars: Wow! That’s a huge sum of money! The amount rich nations are willing to pledge annually for Climate Change Aid. Wonder why no-one is impressed!

I for IPCC: The grand Nobel winner Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, of the United Nations. But more in the news for a report which said that the head stood to make money if there was a breakthrough in Carbon economy talks.

J for Joseph Fourier: Heard of him? Yeah, the famous mathematician. He’s the dude who started this whole thing. In 1824 he postulated something that would later be called the greenhouse effect. Do you think we can reach a deal on the 200th anniversary of this great event in 2024?

K for Kyoto Protocol: Adopted in 1997, it came into force in 2005. It will expire in 2012. What is it? Does anyone remember? I don’t.

L for (not) Legally Binding: Ha! After all the furor and subsequent agreements, we were told that whatever was decided upon was not legally binding. How convenient!

M for Mexico: If Copenhagen was COP15, then Mexico 2010 will be COP16. Wait for the drama to continue there.

N for Negotiations: Negotiate, negotiate and negotiate… compromise, compromise and compromise… dilute, dilute and dilute… then tell the world that it’s all a resounding success.

O for Obama: The difference in this summit and a big Change from Bush. He pushed and at the end of it all he told us it was a success. And we are supposed to believe him.

P for Percentages: 10%. 20%. 30%. What does it all mean? How will countries bring about those emission reductions? Who’ll check?

Q for Questions: Which were more in number than answers.

R for Rubber Stamp: We are all rubber stamps of the US. Bush rubbishes climate talks. Obama pushes climate talks. It’s all down to the whims and fancies of the US President, the rest of the world be damned.

S for South Africa: In 2011 it will be COP17. Then 18, 19, 20, 21, 22… keep counting.

T for Tuvalu: A small island which could sink in case of global warming and rising of oceans. At its highest it is 4.5 metres above sea level. A gem from its spokesman on the final Copenhagen draft: It looks like we are being offered 30 pieces of silver to betray our people and our future.

U for Urban: Urbanization. Modernization. Development. With the population increasing like crazy and more and more people living in the cities, I seriously wonder how they are going to pull the whole thing off at ground level.

V for Venezuela: One of the countries that called Copenhagen a Capitalist Conspiracy. Other countries which joined in with the name calling were: Cuba, Bolivia and Nicaragua.

W for Water: The crux of the problem after global warming reaches a critical point. Islands will start sinking, beaches will start disappearing… We will wake up The Day After.

X for Xerox: COP1 happened. Then they photocopied that and COP2 happened, Then they Xeroxed that and COP3 happened… OK I am being pessimistic. But you go through all the documents of the last couple of decades and tell me what really has changed at the ground level, apart from all the treaties and conferences that is.

Y for Yankee Imperialists: Another term the US and its lackeys got called by Venezuela, Cuba, Bolivia and Nicaragua.

Z for Zero: One way to sum up what really happened at Copenhagen.

© Sunil Rajguru

It could be you or me at a security check tomorrow. If this is how an ex-President is treated, what of us mere mortals? That’s how it concerns me apart from the fact that a fine human being was harassed. America might be arrogant and inconsiderate at many security checks, but at least they stand up for every American in every part of the world, unlike us, who couldn’t be bothered. Whether Kalam protested or not is irrelevant.

What if they tried it with ex-President Bill Clinton in India? His team would have probably pushed the officials aside and Bill would have stormed ahead. Get real. Is Kalam a suspected terrorist or smuggler? What a ludicrous idea!!! Then what were they checking for when they asked him to remove his shoes???

What is a check for? To prevent arms from going on board or to prevent smuggled goods going on a plane or to prevent a crime. Remember some years back Azim Premji was also subjected to a through check in the US. And he’s a billionaire and head of a top company.

I think the thorough check on Abdul Kalam is a slander on the entire nation…

Players: India, Pakistan

Non-playing captain: America

Step 1: Pakistan militants attack civilian target in India.

Step 2: India points a finger at Pakistan.

Step 3: Pakistan absolutely denies the attack.

Step 4: America threatens Pakistan.

Step 5: Pakistan starts to make the right noises.

Step 6: India smiles.

Step 7: Pakistan backtracks. India frowns.

Step 8: America armtwists Pakistan.

Step 9: Pakistan accepts blame.

Step 10: India celebrates. America pats its own back.

Step 11: America gives millions and millions and millions of dollars of aid to Pakistan as a reward.

Step 12: PLEASE GO BACK to Step No. 1… Thank You!

Also known as “The Circle of Life” in the subcontinent.

© Sunil Rajguru

All hail to the King of Pop and listen to HisStory
Most of it’s legendary and some simply gory
Of his parents Michael was the magical child Number 7
and he became a singing pro at the young age of 11
As part of the soon to go kaput Jackson 5
He was destined to go solo and rock and jive
He broke into the scene in the late 1970s with Off the Wall
How many 21-year-olds can stand so tall?
Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough
He never did stop and we never did get enough
Then Thriller sold nearly 50 million units and all the rest Beat It
Billie Jean is still on my mind and the all-time great list
8 Grammies in his hand on a single night
Never did any modern music star shine so bright
We are the World sent aid right into the heart of Africa
Even as his music stock was rising and rising in America
The going was still good with the rise of Bad
(Today he’s not around and the feeling’s simply Sad)
The way he made us feel: We just couldn’t stop loving him
The Man in the Mirror: You gotta just stand up and applaud him
His form continued to be Dangerous right into the 1990s
His music surrounded the world like a cool breeze
Remember the Time we were all humming to Black or White
You could dance to his tunes all day and night
Then came HIStory and Invincible and he was on the decline
Try telling that to his fans and he still sold millions and drew many a long line

MJ claimed that his father whipped him, beat him and called him names,
Did that affect all his future mind games?
He fought abuse allegations on many a day
He was made fun of and ridiculed in every way
He started off as a black and ended a white
That was attributed to a disease called vitiligo and made his skin go bright
In his twenties, he broke his nose while dancing like a demon
Lifelong breathing problems he had and multiple surgeries he had to rely on
The press called him Wacko Jacko and hounded him with delight
Sample some of the stories that gave his fans a fright
“He was about to dump his baby to his doom”
“His pet chimpanzee Bubbles shares his toilet and cleans his bedroom”
“He’s sleeping in an oxygen chamber to remain forever young”
“He’s bought the bones of The Elephant Man, how dumb!”
Said MJ himself throwing his hands up in the air
OK, call me a Martian, say I do voodoo, I don’t care…

At the end of it he was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame twice
And his dances defied the laws of gravity and puzzled even the wise
Who can forget the legendary Moonwalk and the snazzy Robot
He left all the greatest dancers way behind in one single shot
Did you know that MTV initially didn’t want to air his videos
Today you can’t imagine a music channel without an MJ dose
We’ll never forget his live shows, pelvic thrusts and clenched fists
His quantum jumps and mesmerizing twists
After Elvis and the Beatles it’s MJ all the way
His music and beats and lyrics will forever stay
Elizabeth Taylor was right, he is the King of Pop
From the beginning to the end his music remains on top
Where is he now, I keep wondering and wondering
Maybe he’s jiving with the angels and now Heavenwalking

© Sunil Rajguru