…based on the people who are calling the shots in the country…

P – Politicians
A – Army
K – Kashmiri Militants
I – ISI
S – Supreme Court
T – Taliban
A – America
N – Nuclear Scientists

This version by Sunil Rajguru

∙ Obama: Oh God! Enough of these hardships and burdens! Please show me the light and make my sufferings much less!
And God said… Let there be Republican primaries!

∙ Pak PM: And what kind of strange clock is this? Is it a Cuckoo Clock? Does it tell the time?
General: No! This is a Coupcoup Clock. It tells you when your time is up!

∙ Q: And why do you want Independence?
Scot: I don’t know! The whole world seems to be asking for it!

© Sunil Rajguru

∙ Ek haath se Tali(ban) nahin bajti.
Isiliye do haath chahiye: 1. Afghanistan Taliban chapter and 2. Pakistan Taliban chapter.
Ab dono milke poora region ka baja rahe hai.
(Tali to baj rahi hain, ab Taliban ka kaun bajayega?)

∙ From now on the BBC will stand for the Banned Broadcasting Corporation in Pakistan.

∙ The Pakistan government has also decided to ban the word “vice” from texting.
Henceforth, Short Messaging Service will be known as Short Messaging Ser.

∙ Pakistan na to India ka dost hai aur na to Afghanistan ka dost hai aur na to US ka dost hai aur ab latest NATO ka bhi dost nahin raha…

∙ Pakistan has banned Facebook and YouTube. They will now be coming out with a new website called Twofacedbook. The replacement for YouTube will be MeTube, where Me stands for Military eye.

© Sunil Rajguru

Pakistan is the drug addict. America is the drug.
Pak knows that the US is destroying it, but can’t do without it.
Or…
America is the drug addict. Pakistan is the drug.
The US knows that Pak is destroying it, but can’t do without it.
Whatever!

The US-Pak Barney song

Please sing to the tune of Barney…

I hate you,
You hate me,
We’re an alleged happy family,
With a great big deception,
And a threat from me to you,
Won’t you say you hate me too?

An old one…
US-Pak ties are like a terribly failed marriage where both parties are petrified of divorce.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

International…

A General out of his Labyrinth!—Asif Ali Zardari

All the Prime Minister’s Women—Silvio  Berlusconi

(A sequel to All the President’s Women by Bill Clinton)

A Tale of Two Revolutions—The Unknown Egyptian Protestor

Arms and the Afghan—Mullah Omar

Blind Men of Pakistan and the War Against Terror—Maulvi Jalaluddin Haqqani

Economy…

Book of (No) Job— The Unknown Wall Street Protestor

And Quiet Flows the Cash— Another Unknown Wall Street Protestor

I Bing—Bill Gates

National…

How to Lose Friends and Influence No People—Diggy Raja

Chronicle of a Scam Foretold—Subramanian Swamy

Waste Land: The Playing Fields of CWG & F1— Mani Shankar Aiyar

Catch-22—Manmohan Singh

Heir (Not So) Apparent: A Biography of Rahul Gandhi—Arvind Kejriwal

Pride and Prejudice—Manish Tiwari

Does the Empress of India have the Emperor of Maladies?—The Non-existent Indian Journalist

Much Ado About Nothing: The truth behind 2G—Kapil Sibal

My Prison Diary—Anna Hazare

Khan Wars—Kareena Kapoor

MMS & A Series of Unfortunate Events—Pranab Mukherjee

In Search of Rahul Gandhi—An Unknown Indian Citizen

2011: War Without Victory—Manmohan Singh

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Obama to Asia: US is here to stay, there’s nothing you can do about it!
Asia to Obama: Damn! We thought that continental drift was still taking place and the US was drifting apart from us!

Kambli to India: The 1996 India-Sri Lanka semi-final World Cup match was fixed!
India to Kambli: Hoto pe aisi baat tu daba ke chala aaya pandrah saal ke liye!

Mallya to Investors: Less lucrative routes! Aviation fuel hikes! Economy!
Investors to Mallya: IPL! F1!

CBI to SC: DMK! NDA! CAG! RIL! DoT!
SC to CBI: INC! INC! INC! INC!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

America-Pakistan: It’s Complicated.
(Where US=Husband)

India-Pakistan: Divorced in 1947, still awaiting final settlement.

America-China: It’s Complicated.
(Where US=Wife)

Russia-America: It’s so funny how we don’t talk any more.

Brazil-Argentina: Relationship? Depends whether it’s on the football field or off it!

Afghanistan-Pakistan: Separated at birth, hyphenated in the 2000s.
(Af-Pak)

India-China: Married. (To the concept of being the next Superpower)

Israel-Palestine: Separated at birth, united in conflict.

South Korea-North Korea: Brothers. (In Arms)

England-France: Neighbours. (Thank God for the Channel!)

China-Taiwan-Tibet: What relationship? We are One. (Or so says every schizophrenic)

© Sunil Rajguru