Sunil.Rajguru's World » International

The Dollar is on the decline…

Sunil Rajguru — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 05:57:50 +0000

Due to inflation, the Million Dollar Question will now be called the Billion Dollar Question.

∙ At this rate in 2050, Who Wants to be a Millionaire? will imply: Who wants to be Poor?

∙ Dollar Diplomacy now implies cheap diplomacy.

∙ A Dollar Store is an empty store.

∙ Hence, kindly replace Dollar Dreams with Dollar Nightmares.

Iran nuke static…

Sunil Rajguru — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 11:30:12 +0000

West Asia peace going South… Middle East’s stuck in the middle… I ran away with the nukes… Israel ho gaya hai derail… Obama ka drama… Cameron’s off too… So’s Hillary Clintoff… Ali Khamenei’s brought them on their knees… Ahmadinejad’s jihad… Egypt’s easy no more… Obama’s Nobel Prize of Piece(s)… Belligerent Benjamin Netanyahu’s NoToNukes… Shimon Peace?… or political nuclear meltdown…

Yet another full form of Pakistan…

Sunil Rajguru — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 17:07:50 +0000

…based on the people who are calling the shots in the country…

P – Politicians
A – Army
K – Kashmiri Militants
I – ISI
S – Supreme Court
T – Taliban
A – America
N – Nuclear Scientists

This version by Sunil Rajguru

General international musings…

Sunil Rajguru — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 05:18:40 +0000

∙ Obama: Oh God! Enough of these hardships and burdens! Please show me the light and make my sufferings much less!
And God said… Let there be Republican primaries!

∙ Pak PM: And what kind of strange clock is this? Is it a Cuckoo Clock? Does it tell the time?
General: No! This is a Coupcoup Clock. It tells you when your time is up!

∙ Q: And why do you want Independence?
Scot: I don’t know! The whole world seems to be asking for it!

Some really bad PPJs (Pakistan PJs)

Sunil Rajguru — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 16:35:48 +0000

∙ Ek haath se Tali(ban) nahin bajti.
Isiliye do haath chahiye: 1. Afghanistan Taliban chapter and 2. Pakistan Taliban chapter.
Ab dono milke poora region ka baja rahe hai.
(Tali to baj rahi hain, ab Taliban ka kaun bajayega?)

∙ From now on the BBC will stand for the Banned Broadcasting Corporation in Pakistan.

∙ The Pakistan government has also decided to ban the word “vice” from texting.
Henceforth, Short Messaging Service will be known as Short Messaging Ser.

∙ Pakistan na to India ka dost hai aur na to Afghanistan ka dost hai aur na to US ka dost hai aur ab latest NATO ka bhi dost nahin raha…

∙ Pakistan has banned Facebook and YouTube. They will now be coming out with a new website called Twofacedbook. The replacement for YouTube will be MeTube, where Me stands for Military eye.

With allies like these…

Sunil Rajguru — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 03:45:10 +0000

Pakistan is the drug addict. America is the drug.
Pak knows that the US is destroying it, but can’t do without it.
Or…
America is the drug addict. Pakistan is the drug.
The US knows that Pak is destroying it, but can’t do without it.
Whatever!

The US-Pak Barney song

Please sing to the tune of Barney…

I hate you,
You hate me,
We’re an alleged happy family,
With a great big deception,
And a threat from me to you,
Won’t you say you hate me too?

An old one…
US-Pak ties are like a terribly failed marriage where both parties are petrified of divorce.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Books and Authors: Current Affairs

Sunil Rajguru — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 05:38:17 +0000

International…

A General out of his Labyrinth!—Asif Ali Zardari

All the Prime Minister’s Women—Silvio Berlusconi

(A sequel to All the President’s Women by Bill Clinton)

A Tale of Two Revolutions—The Unknown Egyptian Protestor

Arms and the Afghan—Mullah Omar

Blind Men of Pakistan and the War Against Terror—Maulvi Jalaluddin Haqqani

Economy…

Book of (No) Job— The Unknown Wall Street Protestor

And Quiet Flows the Cash— Another Unknown Wall Street Protestor

I Bing—Bill Gates

National…

How to Lose Friends and Influence No People—Diggy Raja

Chronicle of a Scam Foretold—Subramanian Swamy

Waste Land: The Playing Fields of CWG & F1— Mani Shankar Aiyar

Catch-22—Manmohan Singh

Heir (Not So) Apparent: A Biography of Rahul Gandhi—Arvind Kejriwal

Pride and Prejudice—Manish Tiwari

Does the Empress of India have the Emperor of Maladies?—The Non-existent Indian Journalist

Much Ado About Nothing: The truth behind 2G—Kapil Sibal

My Prison Diary—Anna Hazare

Khan Wars—Kareena Kapoor

MMS & A Series of Unfortunate Events—Pranab Mukherjee

In Search of Rahul Gandhi—An Unknown Indian Citizen

2011: War Without Victory—Manmohan Singh

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

And the repartee was…

Sunil Rajguru — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 13:07:55 +0000

Obama to Asia: US is here to stay, there’s nothing you can do about it!
Asia to Obama: Damn! We thought that continental drift was still taking place and the US was drifting apart from us!

Kambli to India: The 1996 India-Sri Lanka semi-final World Cup match was fixed!
India to Kambli: Hoto pe aisi baat tu daba ke chala aaya pandrah saal ke liye!

Mallya to Investors: Less lucrative routes! Aviation fuel hikes! Economy!
Investors to Mallya: IPL! F1!

CBI to SC: DMK! NDA! CAG! RIL! DoT!
SC to CBI: INC! INC! INC! INC!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Facebook Nations: Relationship Status

Sunil Rajguru — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 11:42:41 +0000

America-Pakistan: It’s Complicated.
(Where US=Husband)

India-Pakistan: Divorced in 1947, still awaiting final settlement.

America-China: It’s Complicated.
(Where US=Wife)

Russia-America: It’s so funny how we don’t talk any more.

Brazil-Argentina: Relationship? Depends whether it’s on the football field or off it!

Afghanistan-Pakistan: Separated at birth, hyphenated in the 2000s.
(Af-Pak)

India-China: Married. (To the concept of being the next Superpower)

Israel-Palestine: Separated at birth, united in conflict.

South Korea-North Korea: Brothers. (In Arms)

England-France: Neighbours. (Thank God for the Channel!)

China-Taiwan-Tibet: What relationship? We are One. (Or so says every schizophrenic)

How the economic downturn affects us all…

Sunil Rajguru — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 07:14:12 +0000

Head of State: Oh man! That just means more speeches, more meetings, more strategies, more disenchanted voters… and just when I was looking down to settling down to have a relaxing end of term and re-election!

Industrialist: Now my topline and bottomline will be hit (hitting my ego big-time), I’ll have to retrench (I don’t give a damn, but will have to show that I care), I may have to sell one luxury car (to show the media that I’m affected)… and I might have to seek more help from those dratted politicians. Think I’ll just take a long foreign vacation to de-stress.

Rich Western Banker: Damn! I might have to sell my swank new yacht. I used it just once!
Damn these downturns!

Neo-rich Family: What? Eh! Economic downturn?!? Really? Errr… Umm…

Criminal: Really? Who cares!

Middle Class Dude: Inflation! Grrr! Petrol hikes! Grrr! EMIs! Grrr! Politicians! Grrr! Economists! Grrr!
Stress. Anger. Frustration.
“OK, let’s just eat out and watch a movie this weekend to forget all about it!”

Lower Class Sufferer: And I thought I’d be dead by now with my record-low-calorie diet… anyway, time to set a new record for eating much less, working much more and still surviving to live another day…

Destitute Class Human: Another one just fell off the face of the Earth by dying due to hunger and starvation without having the foggiest clue about Marx, Keynes, Hayek, downturns, upturns… and without anyone giving him the slightest damn.