2009: Satyam Scandal breaks out

2010: Raju denies he ever pleaded guilty

2014: Govt denies scandal ever took place

2020: Raju officially declared “Father of IT”

2030: Detractors say Raju never existed

2040: Records show Satyam never existed

Post Script: Satyam is the Sanskrit word for Truth

(This version: Sunil Rajguru)

…as proud as Maya and her statues

…as spoilt as Mamata and her tantrums

…as unfulfilled as Advani and his dreams

…as stale as the Left and its government in Bengal

…as high-profile as Raj Thackeray and his miniscule achievements

…as low-key as Manmohan and his style of governance

…as destructive as Laloo and his Bihar rule

…as murky as cricket and its political patrons

…as huge as a politician’s black wealth

…as hopeless an Indian leader’s vision

…as blind as an Indian voter’s vote

…as brazen as a corrupt politician’s defence

…as ineffective as an Indian government scheme

…as opportunistic as Pawar and his tie-ups

…as two-faced as Vajpayee and his political life

…as fleeting as Deve Gowda’s prime ministerial stint

…as anonymous as Gujral’s prime ministerial stint

…as diplomatic as Amar Singh and his network

…as bankrupt as an Indian leader’s idea bank

…as fiery as a communal speech

…as enigmatic as Sonia and her mind

…as lasting as the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

2008: Kasab should be hanged.
2009: Will Kasab be hanged?
2010: Kasab will be hanged!
2011: Will Kasab really be hanged?
2012-2020: When will Kasab be hanged?
2021-Onwards: I don’t think Kasab will ever be hanged.

Mamata: Tata!
Buddha: Don’t raise old issues. That’s dead in Bengal and gone to Gujarat.
Mamata: Who’s talking of Ratan or Singur? Me and the State are saying tata to you and your party!

Caller: Regarding the IPL…
Pawar: What’s that?
Caller: The Indian Premier League…
Pawar: Never heard of it!
Caller: But you set it up, you’re the cricket badshah…
Pawar: The ICC has nothing to do with other boards and leagues.
Caller: But Modi said…
Pawar: I have no truck with Narendra Modi.
Caller: I give up.
Supriya: See! I told you it’s so easy!

© Sunil Rajguru

(Please sing to the tune of My Name is Lakhan)

Rum pum pum rum pum pum rumpa pupam pum pum…
AG OG Lo-G 3G!
Main hu Raja of 3G,
Karta hu main jo wo tum bhi karo ji,
1 2 ka 4, 4 2 ka 1,
My name is dhakkan, my name is dhakkan,
Spectrumo ka sajan,
Mera naam hai dhakkan.

Kehna coalition partners ka tum maan lo,
Achha bura hain tum kya jaano?
Tum kya jaano?
Kehta hu main jo wo tum bhi suno ji,
Maine suna nahi phir se kaho ji,
Nahi Number 2 koi dono ho number ho,
Main hu dhakkano ka dhakkan,
Spectrumo ka sajan, jiyo dhakkan dhakkan,
jiyo dhakkan dhakkan…

Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

(Original Song: My Name is Lakhan
Film: Ram Lakhan
Year: 1989)

The Butterfly Effect
The flapping of a butterfly’s wings in Brazil can set off a tornado in Texas.

The Social Butterfly Effect
The flapping of a social butterfly’s wings in Dubai can set off a political tornado in India.

Explanation
A social butterfly flaps her wings in Dubai.
Gets sweat equity in a club cricket team in Kochi.
Leads to the resignation of the Minister of State for External Affairs.
Makes a Maharashtrian central minister squirm along with his colleagues.
Results in unprecedented Income Tax raids at the offices of the premier cricket body.
Checkmates a high-flying cricket club league chairman and commissioner.
Has industrialists scrambling for records of agreements and bids.
Brings to light government eavesdropping on the high and mighty of the land.
Gets the political Opposition screaming and shouting, only to fall flat on a Cut Motion.
Puts the Queen of Uttar Pradesh and the Queen of India together at last.
Ends up in making a Jharkhand politician forget which side he is voting for.
Infuriates a leading political party into withdrawing support to the forgetful politician.
…
Itna political tornado kaafi nahin kya?
…but the effects are still being felt and will be felt for some more time…

© Sunil Rajguru

1000 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
1000 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
And if one corrupt politician should accidentally fall,
There’ll be 1001 corrupt politician sitting on the wall.

1001 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
1001 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
And if one corrupt politician should accidentally fall,
There’ll be 1002 corrupt politician sitting on the wall.

1002 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
1002 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
And if one corrupt politician should accidentally fall,
There’ll be 1003 corrupt politician sitting on the wall…

Notes:

1. For every corrupt politician who is exposed or caught in India, two take his place thereafter.
2. India has been playing this game since 1947.
3. If you pay good salaries, you may or may not get corrupt politicians.
If you pay abysmally low salaries, you will definitely get near 100% corruption.
Our founding fathers chose the second option.
Post-1991, the private sector is competing with the world, while the average Indian politician compares nowhere with his Western counterpart.
4. If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
If you pay peanuts to politicians, then you get a monkey political system where the common man ends up being the real monkey.

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

Cricket boat mein note, Modi pe khot, IPL pe chot,
Ghapla baar baar, jhootha hai karobaar, hain ye political war,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…

Hazaaron hain raaz, dekho aas paas, paise ki pyaas,
Cricket boat mein note, Modi pe khot, IPL pe chot,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…

Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

(Original song: Ganda Hai
Film: Company
Year: 2002)