∙ Houdini made things vanish.
Goebbels mastered propaganda.
Sibal used propaganda to make the Rs 1.76 lakh crore vanish.

∙ BJP created a telecom policy.
Raja created a telecom scam.
Since the term “telecom scam” begins with telecom, it all started with the BJP.

∙ Lessons for corporate India…
Manager created mega scam.
CEO sacked manager.
CEO is 100% clean by virtue of the “Manmohan Principle”.

∙ The corrupt politician’s slogans…
Tum mujhe ghoos do, main tumhe license doonga.
Black money is my birthright and I shall have it.
The common man’s counter-slogans…
One de Maar-tamacha.
Inquilab Jootabad.

© Sunil Rajguru

∙ Sometimes I think of Manmohan Singh as the Dhritrashtra of Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro who must be saying in all his cabinet meetings, “Ye sab kya ho raha hai?”
One day he might as well say, “This is too much for me…” and storm off the stage…

∙ 9PM-11PM: Attack of the Clones!
Every politician/journo on every channel simultaneously.

∙ Today’s 2G scam TV debate coinage of the day:
Crony Capitalism Coalition Compulsions.

∙ 2G2G: Moving on to the Second Generation of 2G licenses.

∙ Telecom licenses have to be re-issued, policy has to be reworked…
If at first you don’t succeed TRAI TRAI TRAI again…
UPA looks like a TRAI-al and Error government…

∙ Zero Loss Theory is actually the Congress saying that they’ll have Zero Loss of Ministers no matter how many scams occur.

UPA = DOWNA.
∙ NDA = Now Dreaming (of power) Alliance.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Law 3: If a court pulls up a government policy, then the policy is at fault, not the government. Hate the crime, not the criminal.
For example, if the UPA Telecom policy is pulled up, then the UPA is not at fault.
Science: Logic again.

Law 4: Every cause has an effect.
For example, Effect: UPA 2G scam. Cause: BJP Telecom Policy.
Science: Philosophy.

Law 5: The Congress Party is the custodian of India. Any criticism is blasphemy.
For example, Even giants like Google and Facebook may be banned if they defy this law.
Science: Information Technology.

© Sunil Rajguru

Taslima Nasreen: My book launch got cancelled.

Telecom Operators: Our licenses got cancelled.

Mayawati: My statues got cancelled.

Cricket Fan: The Indian team stands cancelled.

General: My actual date of birth got cancelled.

Bhopal: Cancel the Olympic Dow sponsorship.

SRK: My slap stands cancelled.

Kapil Sibal: I will still cancel Facebook!

BJP: Cancel the 2009 Lok Sabha verdict!

Kodankulam: Cancel the nuclear plant this year!

© Sunil Rajguru

Old saying: Chaar sau beesi karta hai?
New saying: Ek sau baeesi karta hai?

∙ It’s clear that the UPA doesn’t believe in the concept of Collective Responsibility.
That simply means that they believe in Collective Irresponsibility.

∙ Comment: Subramaniam Swamy’s Court route is much better than Anna Hazare’s activism route.
Prashant Bhushan: Main dono kara raha hu phir bhi mujhe log peet-te hai!

∙ Subramanian Swamy=Aussie pacer.
UPA=Indian batting line-up.
SC=Fast and green pitch.

∙ LK Advani: Hame aur jeene ki chahat na hoti, agar tum na hote…
(Tum=Subramanian Swamy. Key=Lok Sabha polls possible in 2012)

∙ In the beginning of 1977, the Janata Party was the No. 1 Opposition party of India.
In the beginning of 2012, the Janata Party is still the No. 1 Opposition party of India.
(Key: Its party president is Subramanian Swamy)

∙ Right now a lot of Indian citizens want to go back and quash their 2009 Lok Sabha Voting Licenses to the UPA.

∙ Zero Loss Theory becomes Zero License Practicality.

∙ 2G, or not 2G, that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer,
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Prime Ministership,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to resign, to leave…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Here’s a theme song for the new violent India.

Please sing to the tune of the Bollywood song Pyaar baant te chalo…

Ho chaanta maarte chalo, joota phekte chalo,
Hey chaanta maarte chalo, chappal phekte chalo,
Kya politician kya social activist, humri sab se hai ladai,
Ho chaanta maarte chalo, joota phekte chalo,
Hey chaanta maarte chalo, chappal phekte chalo.

Ye Mumbai hai woh Delhi dekho,
Har jagah nafrat ki hai kahani,
Nafrat sadiyon se ab tak amar hai,
Aur har cheez hai aani jaani
Ho chaanta maarte chalo, joota phekte chalo,
Hey chaanta maarte chalo, chappal phekte chalo…

(Original song: Pyaar baant te chalo.
Film: Hum Sab Ustad Hain.
Year: 1965.)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

∙ The PM has just completed a Thousand Tweets.
The only reason Twitter or anyone else hasn’t noticed is because all those Tweets were of Zero characters each, complying fully with his offline image.

∙ Why hasn’t Manmohan Singh Tweeted anything yet?
Because he was told that Twitter allows only 140 characters.
He’s making that list right now…
Character 1: Sonia, Character 2: Rahul, Character 3…

∙ Why is Manmohan Singh’s Twitter account like James Bond? Because it also has a 00 (double zero) in front of it: 0 (Tweets) 0 (Following).

© Sunil Rajguru

(Original: Solomon Grundy.)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Reference: Jaipur Literature Festival.

Inky Pinky City,
JLF had a Virtual Rushdie,
Virtual Rushdie died,
Logic cried,
Inky Pinky City.

∙ In India, controversies age beautifully like wine…
Examples…
1. A 61-year-old age certificate.
2. A 44-year-old parliamentary bill.
3. A 24-year-old book.

Gandhi, Rushdie aur Anonymity…
1980: Rushdie who?
1981. Indira Gandhi: Rushdie!
1988. Rajiv Gandhi: Rushdie!
1996-2011: Rushdie who?
2012. Sonia Gandhi: Rushdie!

Global message of the week…
Jay, Jeremy and JLF… Shut up!

∙ The Congress has just Censored Salman Rushdie from India.
Don’t celebrate. You’re next!

© Sunil Rajguru

∙ BSY: The B in Karnataka BJP stands for BSY!
BJP: The B in BSY stands for BJP!
Bottom line: Soon, it’ll be BSY=BJP Splitter Yedyurappa.

∙ Arrogance of power.
Congress advisor: Here’s the 2009-14 Five-year plan, at the end of which Internet Censorship, bills to suppress federalism, how to dilute RTI, how to stall anti-corruption election reform plans for good etc etc will firmly be in place and we’ll be invincible!
Q: But what if someone else comes to power then?
A: Oops! I never thought of that! Is that even possible?

© Sunil Rajguru