The Visit of Solomon Rushdie,
Born on Monday,
Announced on Tuesday,
Married to the mob on Wednesday,
Took ill on Thursday,
Grew worse on Friday,
Died on Saturday,
Buried on Sunday.
That was the end,
Of the Visit of Solomon Rushdie…

(Original: Solomon Grundy.)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Reference: Jaipur Literature Festival.

Daft definitions…
Rushdie: A writer who wrote something in England in 1988 that enraged someone in Iran that ultimatey left a few Rajasthanis wondering what the hell was going on in 2012, when people kept pointing them towards Uttar Pradesh.

Inky Pinky City,
JLF had a Virtual Rushdie,
Virtual Rushdie died,
Logic cried,
Inky Pinky City.

∙ In India, controversies age beautifully like wine…
Examples…
1. A 61-year-old age certificate.
2. A 44-year-old parliamentary bill.
3. A 24-year-old book.

Gandhi, Rushdie aur Anonymity…
1980: Rushdie who?
1981. Indira Gandhi: Rushdie!
1988. Rajiv Gandhi: Rushdie!
1996-2011: Rushdie who?
2012. Sonia Gandhi: Rushdie!

Global message of the week…
Jay, Jeremy and JLF… Shut up!

∙ The Congress has just Censored Salman Rushdie from India.
Don’t celebrate. You’re next!

© Sunil Rajguru

∙ The Government is looking to 49% FDI in aviation. If foreign players come, invest and change the names of Indian airline companies…
The Virgin Atlantic Airways probabilities…
Go Airways could become GoVirgin.
Jet Airways could become Virgin Lite.
Kingfisher could become VirginKing.
IndiGo could become IndiVirgin.
If South West Airlines came, then they could revive East West Airlines and call it:
South West East West Airlines.
If China Southern Airlines and China Eastern Airlines also jumped into the fray, then the new entity could be:
China Southern Eastern South West East West Airlines.

∙ BSY: The B in Karnataka BJP stands for BSY!
BJP: The B in BSY stands for BJP!
Bottom line: Soon, it’ll be BSY=BJP Splitter Yedyurappa.

∙ Arrogance of power.
Congress advisor: Here’s the 2009-14 Five-year plan, at the end of which Internet Censorship, bills to suppress federalism, how to dilute RTI, how to stall anti-corruption election reform plans for good etc etc will firmly be in place and we’ll be invincible!
Q: But what if someone else comes to power then?
A: Oops! I never thought of that! Is that even possible?

© Sunil Rajguru

Prime Minister: Army chief problems… Supreme Courts raps… Corruption charges… Maybe a new President this year… Say it one more time: I am an honest and independent head of state… Nobody can remote control me… Running a coalition government is tough…
Errr… who’s speaking: Manmohan Singh or Yousaf Raza Gilani?

∙ One Indian player to another: OK, now Indian Test cricket is in serious trouble.
Our ad endorsement rates are falling!

∙ Umpire: This is your last warning if you don’t go faster, then you could face a one-match ban.
Captain (to himself): Good idea to get out of this dratted losing streak. As it is the board will never give me rest.
(To his bowlers): OK guys, forget the over rate, wickets are important!

∙ Indian Board official: Right, we are here to discuss Indian Test cricket’s biggest crisis in decades. Matches are getting over in just 3-4 days! We are losing so much revenue in terms of telecast days!

© Sunil Rajguru

UPA1: Left left.
UPA2: Mamatata?

The Perfect Sibal Society
The NDA found a lot of things offensive.
The UPA finds even more things offensive.
Diggy Raja finds the very existence of RSS & Anna offensive.
The minorities may find this offensive and the majority may find that offensive.
I find you offensive and you find me offensive.
Let’s go ahead and remove everything that anyone finds remotely offensive and very soon Cyberspace will become Emptyspace (or let’s call it Sibalspace or is it actually Emptyspace between his ears?)

What a fighter!
You are fighting the CPM?
Yes, we are fighting Left…
You are fighting the BJP & RSS too?
Yes, we are fighting Left, Right…
And you are fighting your own cabinet, bureaucrats, Army chief and even your own allies?
Yes, we are fighting Left, Right and Centre.

© Sunil Rajguru

∙ Yesterday: Sab quota politics hai.
Today: Sub-quota politics hai.

∙ There was this elephant in a dark room. Many wise men went and touched it. One touched the trunk, one touched the ear, another the tail and yet another the leg and so on…
Since they all touched different parts of the body, they all described it differently and started arguing violently over what the elephant really was.
Then the Election Commission came and ordered the elephant to be covered with a large cloth and told all the squabbling parties to go home!

∙ For the last 10 years, TV news channels have been singing…
Why this why this Narendramo D?

∙ First Indian planner: The divide between the rich and poor is increasing thanks to this great growth we are seeing.
Second Indian planner: Then why don’t we slow down growth itself to stop the rich-poor divide?

© Sunil Rajguru

∙ Beta: Papa ye sab kya hai? Saare statues dikhai kyun nahin de rahe hai?
Papa: Beta, ye sab Maya hai!

∙ Old Saying: Empty vessels make a lot of noise.
New Saying: MT vessels make a lot of noise.
(Where MT=Manish Tewari)

∙ BJP ko bahut Darr lag raha hai kyunki Congress bol raha hai… I love you q q q q q q quota…

∙ No virtual understanding
India: Chalo boriya bistar band kar ke chale jao…
Facebook & Google: Par hamara koi boriya bistar hai hi nahin, sab virtual hai!
India: To bas chale jao hamare desh se…
Facebook & Google: Par ham yaha sab hai hi nahin… sab virtual hai…
India: Abbe ye Interent ka off switch kahan hai bhai?

∙ EC official: Aap ka election funding kaise hota hai?
Politician: Sab bhagwaan ke hawale kar diya hai!
EC official: Hawala!

© Sunil Rajguru