Now you’ll ask, what about the letters that are left.

What are the letters that are left?

L… O… L…

LOL!

So you really think that a strong Lokpal Bill will be passed?

LOL!

© Sunil Rajguru

∙ Kapil, what you are trying to do on the Internet is imposibal!

∙ Khoob jamega rang, jab mil baithenge teen dost…Sibal, Diggy aur Stupidity…

∙ Sone… <Kapil Sibal joins Facebook>
…pe suhaaga… < Facebook introduces Hate button>

∙ Ab har Mummy apne bete se kahegi…
Log off kar de beta, warna Kapil Sibal aa jaayega!

∙ Saare netizens Darr rahe kyunki Cyber Dada aa raha hai… we are afraid of you K K K K K Kapil!

∙ Google India is thinking that if it can get a cent for every sentence against Sibal on Google, it could substantially increase its revenues.

© Sunil Rajguru

∙ From now on the BBC will stand for the Banned Broadcasting Corporation in Pakistan.

∙ The Pakistan government has also decided to ban the word “vice” from texting.
Henceforth, Short Messaging Service will be known as Short Messaging Ser.

∙ Pakistan na to India ka dost hai aur na to Afghanistan ka dost hai aur na to US ka dost hai aur ab latest NATO ka bhi dost nahin raha…

∙ Pakistan has banned Facebook and YouTube. They will now be coming out with a new website called Twofacedbook. The replacement for YouTube will be MeTube, where Me stands for Military eye.

© Sunil Rajguru

∙ Pakbanistan… ban Facebook, YouTube… ban cricketers… ban SMS Text words… ban NATO’s supply route… ban Bollywood’s Dirty Picture… ban BBC… in fact ban everything except Taliban…

∙ Match report…
India snatched defeat from the jaws of victory yet again…
…only the West Indies got furious and snatched it right back!

(November 30)

∙ Tests + ODIs combined results…
England main 0-7, aur ab home soil pe 7-0 (Eng +WI)…
Team India’s new logo: Win or Lose, Make it Large!
P.S. In WC also: In 2007, they exited in Round 1. In 2011 did a record Final chase.

(November 26)

∙ Chain reaction… Global economy slaps India… UPA government slaps continuous hikes… Man slaps Sharad Pawar… NCP slaps Maharashtra… Aage kya hoga?

∙ Mr Sharad Pawar meets Mr Slap Power.

(November 24)

∙ That country is sure undergoing severe PMS.
(Pakistani Messaging Service).

(November 23)

∙ Today’s PJ…
Devotee: Oh God! Please let Sachin score his Mahashatak ASAP!
God: Why don’t you guys just leave me alone and let me concentrate on my batting!
Devotee: Aila Sachin!
Note: Tum hi log bolte rahate ho ki Sachin is God…

(November 22)

∙ Masterchef India was always less cooking and more nautanki.
They realised they had a problem.
So now they’ve doubled the nautanki.

(November 13)

∙ Has anyone else noticed that the Aishwarya-Abhishek Bachchan child was probably conceived about a month before Sachin Tendulkar scored his 99th Century?
(Section: Amazing Facts about the Mahashatak)

(November 12)

∙ There is only one way India can Lose in a Fourth Innings Test chase…
…and that is if we Lose VVS Laxman’s wicket!
The God of Fourth Innings strikes again!

∙ When I was small, my mother decided which friends I should listen to.
Now the Facebook Algorithm has taken over that responsibility!

(November 9)

∙ What Agnivesh said: I am going to use Bigg Boss to address social issues.
What he meant: I am using it to address financial and publicity issues.

∙ Mamata’s masterstroke: Either roll back the petrol price hike, or pay the cumulative amount lost by all of India’s petrol consumers in the form of financial aid to my State (West Bengal).

(November 8 )

∙ Swami Agnivesh in Bigg Boss?
Don’t we already have a national level political and media powered anti-corruption reality show with Anna Hazare as the Big Boss?

∙ Someone please organize a Bangladesh-Zimbabwe-India ODI triangular series and Sachin can score his 100th ton and we all can quietly move on in life and cricket.

(November 7)

∙ Satyam Raju’s release followed a predictable pattern…
First Jail. Then case Fail. Hence Bail.

(November 4)

∙ After the commercial success of Ra.One, SRK is changing his name to Sabki Lee.

(November 3)

© Sunil Rajguru

East-West goes South.

ModiLuft fails to Lift.

Passengers enter Jet age.

Sahara “Lite”ns up.

Paramount Amounts to Naught.

Kingfisher-Air Deccan go Red.

SpiceJet still has Spice…

GoAir & Indigo: How far will you Go?

Hawa (Air) main abhi bhi Bharat (India). <2011>

© Sunil Rajguru

Manmohan ki umar ab jyaada lagti aur Rahul ki kam,

Prices are continuously soaring and allies’ trust is crashing,

There’s inflation in the economy, but a recession in credibility,

Congress is 54 short of majority, but behaves as if it’s 54 in excess,

Rs 1.76 lakh crore bahut kam hai, par Team Anna Hazare ke hazaron kuch jyaada hi,

2014 bahut door hai aur 2011 ko jhelna bahut hi mushkil!

© Sunil Rajguru

(October 31)

∙ Sports Minister Maken was asked Rs 600 crore for an F1 entry ticket.
He refused and hence didn’t get an invite.
Good for him. Good for India.

∙ Toot-ta hua khabar: Sutra-Ek Bharatiya Vishaal Puruskar main Sabyasachi Vithal tez gaadi chala kar Pahala Khamba Sthaan le gaye hai. Gaadi ka naam Laal-Saand-Renault hai.

∙ Now if Mayawati and Lady Gaga come on the same stage, then that’s what I call true globalization!
Wah re F1!

∙ Wonder if inflation will ever touch Twitter and we’ll have 160-180 Characters.
(Or is it recession and 120?)
(Facebook Status Message has gone up to Unlimited from 420 Characters and LinkedIn is 500+ Characters)

(October 30)

∙ So after the English Goose got Cook(ed) throughout the tour,
They finally won on their Swann Song!

∙ Lagta hai G.One ka dot gir gaya hai.
Isi liye Ra.One Gone ho gaya hai!
(Via My Son)

∙ Stray dog to F1: I am more relevant to India than you!

(October 29)

∙ Kareena Kapoor completes her Khan Trilogy.
Aamir Khan, 3 Idiots, The Good.
Salman Khan, Bodyguard, The Bad.
& Shahrukh Khan, Ra.One, The Ugly.

∙ Just heard: SRK stole his statue from Madam Tussaud’s and used it for the second half of Ra.One.

∙ The Diggy Raja Empire has succeeded.
Na rahega Team, na bajega Anna.
(Aise bhi bechara Maun Vrat par hai)

(October 28)

∙ By Jove, Obama is on a roll! The US has finally sealed the WikiLeaks thanks to some excellent economic plumbing.

∙ Smear campaign worked
ABC of Corruption
A: Anna’s Team
B: BJP
C: Congress
A to Z of chances to fight corruption
From A-All-hopers to Z-Zero-hopers

(October 26)

∙ Gadaffi’s final Status Message…
“I am not dead. I am alive.
It’s the world that’s dead!”

∙ According to the Economist Democracy Index, the head of Saudi Arabia is a greater dictator than was the head of Libya.
Also close is the head of China.
Both are great friends of the US.
So much for the end of Dictators!
(Bonus: Best Friend Pakistan is always just one coup away from surpassing all of them.)

(October 21)

∙ Gen Kayani: US should think 10 times before attacking Pak.
US: Sure thing… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10… OK! Attack!

(October 19)

∙ “I would like to thank Mr Pathak for making me join the August company of Bush, Wen Jiabo, Musharraf, Zardari, Mubarak, DSK, Chidambaram, Manmohan, BSY, Advani, Kalmadi…
–Hon. Arvind Kejriwal, while accepting the High-Profile Shoe Target Award.

∙ Siri Siri Appy Shankar presents The Art of Virtual Living with a Timewaste Kriya that can be practiced 24X7.

(October 18)

∙ At first I thought we had a Steve Jobs Day in cyberspace.
Then I thought it would be a Jobs Week.
We are well into a Steve Jobs month now…
(‎2011-12: The United Nations Year of the Steve Jobs.)

∙ The medical council is seriously thinking of accepting Jail Fever as a genuine Indian disease.
Outlook: May reach epidemic status in the future.

∙ The Congress has lost its deposit at the Centre… Oh! Sorry, that was Hisar!

∙ Think Chidambaram should introduce a comprehensive Prison Reform Bill to secure his own future and that of his fellow politicians…

(October 17)

∙ A few days back on October 13, India witnessed the sixth anniversary of the RTI Act coming into force.
The UPA celebrated this event by resolving that the Act wouldn’t make it to the next anniversary in one piece.

(October 15)

∙ Mayawati is superior to other corrupt politicians.
Baaki neta log Rs 685 crore kha ke hajam karte hain aur dakaar bhi nahin sunai deti.
Yahan aap ek park aur memorial ka jab chahe maja loot sakte hai!

∙ Welcome to coalition politics Anna.
Keeping your allies together, handling spokespersons shooting off their mouths and intense media scrutiny.
Now you know how the UPA feels all the time.
Maybe now you two will work better together as you understand each other better!

∙ iDead seems to be more respected, talked about, raved and appreciated than iAlive…

∙ Corruption fight reality…
Sarkari Lokpal vs Team Anna Lokpal.
Janata gayi tel lene… (aur woh bhi mila nahin thanks to steep petrol price hike!)

∙ News: Manmohan wants to review RTI Act.
Analysis: Hamara har cheez galat ja raha hain, to jo sahi hain, hum usko bhi galat kar denge!

∙ Homeopathic treatment for corruption: Cure like with like.
BJP workers give cash to journos at anti-corruption Rath Yatra PC.
Fight corruption with corruption!

Rahul Gandhi rode on bike of criminal.
Pretty much sums up the Congress leadership.
They’re all clean, but driven by criminals.

∙ Bill Gates is alive.
Steve Jobs is dead.
But what will happen to Jobs Bill?

(October 14)

∙ Stay hungry? Stay foolish?
Doesn’t that already describe the world we live in?
Millions of starving people led by thousands of foolish leaders…

(October 13)

∙ Word of the day…
Mutual: having the same relation each toward the other.
Facebook fact of the day…
My personal record for number of “Mutual Friends” without ever having heard of (let alone met) a particular person: 143.

(October 12)

∙ …suffering from mental indigestion with the excess Apple-Jobs eulogies… need to go on a news Apple-free diet… I’m a huge fan myself, but near-divine status (& status updates) is all quite baffling…

(October 11)

∙ Dear Politicians,
Parliament is not Supreme. The Constitution is.
Parliament is not Sovereign. The People are.
Everyone respects Parliament.
Wish one could say the same for our Parliamentarians!

(October 9)

∙ The more I see my News Feed, the more I am convinced that the collective wisdom of the Facebook Status Messages is greater than the collective wisdom of humanity…

(October 7)

∙ Bigg Boss 5 should be called Big Behenji or Big Amma.
Even Shakti signifies the feminine power.
So 13 + 1 Shaktis?

(October 3)

© Sunil Rajguru

DMK = Daddy Misses Kanimozhi.

ADMK = Amma Despises Muthuvel Karunanidhi.

BSP = Builders of Statues & Parks.

NCP = National Cash-cow for Pawar.

INC = Indian Network of Corruption.

BJP = Busted Jaded Party.

CPI = China Please Instruct.

CPM = Chillar Party of Marxists.

TRS = Train-roko. Raasta-roko. Strike-karo.

JD = Just Dead.

UPA = Unilaterally Pissing-off Anna.

NDA = Never-say Die Advani (for PM).

SP = Sinking. Perishing.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

India to Pakistan: We also have nukes, but we allow you to mess with us, don’t we?

China to world: Nukes gaye tel lene, we’ll mess with who we please.

Russia: We have thousands of nukes and nobody even notices us anymore.

Britain & France: What about us, we’re invisible nuclear powers too!

Israel, North Korea, Iran…: Me too! Me too!

US: Bachha log jhagadna band karo. We rule the world without using a single nuke.

(Hiroshima and Nagasaki happened in the last century).

Japan: Besharmo, ek nuke ka kya asar hota hai, koi hamse poochho!

Terrorists: Bhagwan ke naam pe ek nuke dede re baba.

Moral of the story: Everbody loves Dr Strangelove and they have learnt to stop worrying and love the bomb.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

∙ Yesterday: You’ve got mail.
Today: You’ve got notifications.

∙ Yesterday: Stop bugging me.
Today: Stop poking me.

∙ Yesterday: Main aur meri tanhai…
Today: Main aur mera status message…

∙ Yesterday: If you have 5 true friends, it’s enough.
Today: If you have 500 Facebook friends (true or false, who cares), it’s enough.

∙ Yesterday: The more books you read, the more your brain will develop.
Today: The more friends you have on Facebook, the bigger your brain size.

This version by Sunil Rajguru