• The BCCI: For only being interested in money, being distracted by the IPL fiasco and not giving the team enough time to prepare for the T20 World Cup.

• The Selection Committee: For selecting the wrong team and going by past reputations only.

• The Coach: For not setting the correct WC strategy and not pushing hard enough.

• The Captain: For his on-field decisions.

• The Trainer and Physio: For not succeeding in keeping a fit team.

• The Players Themselves: For not being fit, not fielding properly and not being 100% committed.

• The IPL: For introducing fatigue.

• Australia, Lanka and Windies: For playing better cricket than India and beating them.

• The West Indies Board: For not making flat pitches.

• Fortune: For not shining on India.

• The Media: For going after the players, distracting them, not giving them support and demoralizing them.

• The Fans: For having unrealistic expectations in the first place.

Itna sab galat hain!
And you actually thought that India was going to win the World Cup?

© Sunil Rajguru

Indian cricket ka safar hai ye kaisa safar,
koi samjha nahin koi jaana nahin,
hai ye kaisa cricketer, dekhte hain sab magar,
koi samjha nahin, koi jaana nahin.

Aise victories bhi hain jo jeete hi nahin,
jinko jeetne se pehle hi haar hi gaye,
careers aise bhi hain jo khile hi nahin,
jinko khilne se pehle fiza kha gaye,
hai pareshaan har, thak gaye spectator,
koi samjha nahin koi jaana nahin.

Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

(Original Song: Zindagi ka safar hai ye kaisa safar
Film: Safar
Year: 1970)

(Nowadays the IPL is to blame for everything. The BCCI’s mess. The UPA government’s performance. Shashi Tharoor’s career. NCP’s discomfort. … India’s humiliating World Cup loss. Tomorrow it will be blamed for international terrorism and global warming too…
Please read to the tune of Ye lal rang kab mujhe chhodega)

Ye IPL…

Mera game kab talak ho, mera dil todega,
Ye IPL kab mujhe chhodega…

Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

(Original Song: Ye lal rang kab mujhe chhodega
Film: Prem Nagar
Year: 1974)

(When two elephants fight on the cricketing grass, both slip and fall down and flatten Indian cricket)

Ring a-ring o’ roses,
Pocketsful of paisa.
a-tishoo!, a-tishoo!.
They both fall down.

Brand name in the water,
Brand name in the sea,
Will it all righten up…
With a one-two-three?

Picking up the pieces,
picking up the pieces,
Atishoo!, Atishoo!
We all cover up.

Ring a-ring o’ roses,
Pocketsful of paisa.
a-tishoo!, a-tishoo!.
And cricket falls down…

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

Lost control,
Lost control,
One more time,
Indian cricket’s lost control.

IPL’s a rebel.
Lost control!

Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

(Original song: Paatshaala
Film: Rang De Basanti
Year: 2006)

Where’s the star reporter?
Covering the IPL…
Where’s the local reporter?
IPL matches shifted out of city, looking into that.
Where’s the business reporter?
Multi-billion dollar IPL industry, business leaders, I-T raids…
Where’s the international affairs reporter?
Australian, English, Pakistan boards keenly looking at the IPL crisis…
Where’s the environment reporter?
Some green initiatives announced by IPL got buried…
Where’s the film reporter?
SRK premises raided, Preity promises to talk…
What about other news?
Is there any other news happening? Oh yeah, Sania is landing in Pakistan! Our Pakistan correspondent will handle that one!

***

Hey you’re back from the stadium!
Yeah it was awesome!
B…
Wow those cheerleaders sure are hot!
Bu…
I saw SRK, Juhi and Preity in the crowds. Great man!
But…
They’ve really made a great giant screen.
But w…
3 sixes actually went out of the stadium.
But wh…
You saw the dug-out. Players and head honchos…
But who…
Firecrackers. Music. The atmosphere is electric.
But who won?
Eh? Hmmm. I don’t remember!

***

Regular speaker: I’m going to have a nervous breakdown. So busy.
Why what happened?
4 chat shows, 7 interviews on 8 news channels in 24 hours! I don’t know how much longer I can handle this IPL crisis!

***

Minister: We’re thinking of having IPL-style premier leagues for all Indian sports!
Official: Why? Do you want corruption, sleaze, controversy and hungama to spread to all the other sports too?

***

Mate, I think I’ll be retiring soon!
Why?
Do you think the IPL will last? There may be no IPL4. I’ll be out of a job…

***

© Sunil Rajguru

Cricket boat mein note, Modi pe khot, IPL pe chot,
Ghapla baar baar, jhootha hai karobaar, hain ye political war,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…

Hazaaron hain raaz, dekho aas paas, paise ki pyaas,
Cricket boat mein note, Modi pe khot, IPL pe chot,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…

Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

(Original song: Ganda Hai
Film: Company
Year: 2002)