Tom & Jerry: The ultimate ROI in history. Take the same episodes and telecast them a few thousand times over a few hundred channels and they still stay fresh. It was first made when my father was born. The same episodes I saw as a kid and the same episodes my son still watches and laughs non-stop.

Power Rangers: How to take the same ancient old wine and pour it into a different bottle season after season after season and still be a hit with kids…

Doraemon: How to have the coolest robot and the greatest gadgets in the whole planet and still emerge as the biggest loser (Nobita) in your neighbourhood.

Shinchan: God! Do such families actually exist? Or did the cartoonist make this character to make every parent good about his or her child?

Amar Chitra Katha: My favorite cartoon strip becomes a TV serial for my son. That’s progress, I guess!

Mr Bean: It’s OK for your kid to watch Mr Bean 100%, but not OK if your child behaves like Mr Bean even 1%.

Perman: With great power comes great idiocy.

Boobah: If you got high on grass and wanted to make something for 3-year-olds, then this would be it. The Pink Floyd of the toddler world.

Titeuf: If ever any cartoon deserved an X-Rating, then this is it.

Oggy and the Cockroaches: A favorite show to watch while eating? OK, I am old!

© Sunil Rajguru

Did you ever notice that most of us live a life borrowed on someone else’s idea and we don’t even realize it? Say as a kid, your father is in a particular profession or you take a fancy to something. You want to be that without realizing what it’s all about. You grow up with that as your sub-conscious.

You adopt that idea and cling on to it for your dear life. After that your whole education and development revolves around that very idea. If your inner self tries to stray away from that path, you brutally stop it. You might think those who pass out of IITs and IIMs are the coolest people around and strive to be like them. Or you decide it’s just money or doing what society thinks is hot or right.

That way most of us succeed in doing what we set out to do without realizing that our inner self never wanted that in the first place. It’s like that small boy in the car ad who knows at what age he’s going to become vice president and what age he’ll be CEO and the car that goes along with it. That’s a pretty sad life. Growing up is all about knowing nothing and discovering who you are, what you want and your place in the world, one bit at a time, one layer at a time.

We usually realize pretty late in life that we are on the wrong path and then think nothing can be done. You’re already climbing up the career ladder. There are bills and EMIs to pay and at this age it’s too much of a risk. Then life becomes drudgery, everything is a routine and only “duty” that has to be done. Desires kept getting suppressed till they reach the bottom of the soul. On your deathbed you say, “If only I had done that…” and you die with unfulfilled wishes. Do those unfulfilled wishes lead to another life which leads to another death with unfulfilled wishes ad infinitum?

What stops you from doing what you really want deep down within right now?

That way America, which many Indians see as morally bankrupt, is really spiritually enriched. There people keep asking themselves what they really want and keep trying newer and newer things all the time. It’s common for people to have changed their careers 5-6 times in their lifetime. It’s common for people to just quit and backpack for 6 months. People do crazy things and become legends. That’s why America is the most successful nation on Earth. A nation that does what it really wants.

When I hear for the umpteenth time “I would do exactly what I wanted to do if I had more money…” I ask a question.

“What would you do with your life if you suddenly inherited Rs 10 crore?”

“Buy a swank house, buy a swank car…”

“That’s fine, all those are material things… what will you do with the way you lead your life?”

Then the answers I get are: Do social service… start a business… travel lots… take a sabbatical… teach… start fresh at the bottom of another career… write a book…

Nothing usually beyond that…

Then I ask them again, “So what stops you from doing that right now? You don’t need Rs 10 crore for any of that!”

That stumps them.

Sometimes I think we are more scared of success and fulfillment rather than failure and nonfulfillment.

© Sunil Rajguru

I battle with pigeons almost every day of my life. All they want to do is build a nest in my balcony. All I want is a clean balcony. I keep chasing them away. They keep flying back and I can’t jump off the balcony to fly and pursue them like an eagle.

When the coast is clear, they return. When the coast is really clear, they come with twigs and start building a nest.  I chase them again. Hundred of times! They don’t mind and they don’t care. Once they managed to build a nest and lay eggs. I relocated the nest. But soon they were back again. They keep trying any time in the day 365 days in a year. No matter how many times I chase them or scatter their nest, they don’t give up.

The pigeons are familiar now. I can recognize every one of them. They all looked the same to begin with but not so now. Some are fat. Some are thin. They have different colours near the face and some have albino patches. They are like different people. I feel like naming the pigeons but that would be getting too familiar to them. Too friendly and too attached… And my job is only to chase them from my balcony, right? And their job is never to give up. They are almost machine like in that aspect.

Ah! To be as persistent as pigeons!

Pigeons and doves both come from the Columbidae family. They have managed to survive in whatever habitat the planet has provided them: urban or rural. They share a long and lasting relation with the human race. To find out whether the waters had receded after the Great Flood, Noah sent out a dove to check. Even today the white dove is a symbol of peace. Both the Egyptians and Persians used carrier pigeons 3,000 years ago. They also carried messages announcing winners in the Ancient Olympics. (In the 1948 Olympics as King George VI declared the games open, 2500 pigeons were set free)

In modern times, Paul Reuter used homing pigeons to deliver messages between Brussels and Berlin, a major news breakthrough in that era. The pigeon was also quite active during both World Wars. They delivered secret microfilm images and hundreds of other messages. In fact, 32 Pigeons have been decorated with the Dickin Medal (The British medal for animals). Racing pigeons have raced distances up to 1800 kilometers.

During research, scientists also found that pigeons could be trained to differentiate between the paintings of Picasso and Monet. In On the Waterfront, Marlon Brando was more distressed by the killing of pigeons than of humans.

All this makes me feel guilty chasing away the poor defenceless pigeons. In fact I even feel some vague karmic connection between them. (But I can’t have a stinking balcony, can I? Ah! The vague shallowness of it all…)

But they say everyone can teach you something. That goes for animals and birds too.

I think I’ll adopt a new mantra.

To be as persistent as a pigeon!

© Sunil Rajguru

Great men said great things. Here’s twisting them to suit a topic…

• Breaking News at all costs, Breaking News in spite of all terror, Breaking News however long and hard the road may be; for without Breaking News, there is no survival.

• When all the IPL controversies have ended, when all the Rahul-Rakhi-Sania swayamwars are over, when all the trivial news items have been squeezed like lemons, when all the viewers have deserted you, only then will you discover you cannot remember how to cover the real issues anymore.

• We have long observed that every news item has the result, and therefore probably the purpose, of forcing the viewer out of real life, of alienating him from actuality.

• There is no hunting like the hunting of celebrity, and those who have hunted the greatest celebrities long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.

• I know Indian news channels as few other men now living know it, and nothing to me is more revolting. I have long advocated its complete abolition, as its very destructiveness on both friend and foe has rendered it useless as a method of settling issues.

• I’m afraid that if you analyze a thing long enough on TV news, it loses all of its meaning.

• We believe in a long, prolonged, derangement of the news item in order to obtain the TRP ratings.

• As long as people believe in absurdities they will continue to watch Indian news channels.

• We may find in the long run that TV news is a deadlier weapon than the machine-gun.

• God sends ten thousands truths, which come about us like birds seeking inlet; but we are shut up to them, and so they bring us nothing, but sit and sing awhile upon the roof, and then fly away. Meanwhile, inside, we prefer to watch falsehoods on TV.

• In the long run, all news items are dead.

(Can you guess the original quotes?)

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

Bangalore Eclipse: The obscuration of the light of the sun by the intervention of clouds between the sun and Bangalore city. Happens for more than half of the days of the year. Sometimes overpowers solar eclipses too. More severe in Cherrapunji and Mawsynram.

Delhi Eclipse: The obscuration of the light of the sun by the intervention of pollutants between the sun and Delhi city. More in some areas and also depends on state policies like CNG regulation and crackdown of industrial areas. Present to some extent in other Indian cities too.

Mumbai Eclipse: The obscuration of the light of the sun by the intervention of skyscrapers between the sun and certain vertically challenged buildings in the city. Certain sections of certain buildings haven’t seen the sun for decades. Also called permanent partial eclipse. Also present in certain parts of East Delhi.

Ahmedabad Eclipse: The obscuration of the light of the sun by the intervention of kites between the sun and Ahmedabad city. For this reason, Ahmedabad celebrated eclipse on January 14 instead of 15. Catching on in other Indian cities too.

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

All is Well: An Optimist’s Take on Life

All Is Not Email: How The Indian Post Re-Invented Itself

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

It was another get-together dinner (“night party” as the kids fondly call it) with our neighbours. To end a perfect evening, everyone demanded a round of paan. The three of us headed straight for our favourite paanwallah. The guy took our order and then surprisingly requested us to park the car a few dozen feet away, as the police was on patrol. It was an unearthly 10.55 pm and he had to shut shop at sharp 11.

Strange, we thought, but followed his instructions all the same. While we were waiting, there was a suddenly a flurry of activity. All the crates and stuff were pulled in and the shutters slammed down. It was as if some attack had just begun somewhere. We waited and waited and waited.

Meanwhile a police patrol van came and stared at us as if we were all known rowdies. The paanwallah got a few glares too. He came running towards us and requested us to take a round and come in five minutes. We all stared at each other and shrugged our shoulders. I generally wondered in silence why nightlife in Bangalore sucked.

When we came back, just avoiding the patrol van, the paanwallah signaled us to be on the other side of the road at a distance. The shutters surreptitiously came up and a hand gave a plastic packet. The paanwallah came running across the road, turned his back to us looking left and right and handed the packet. We tendered exact change and he ran off without even looking at it. Anyone watching at a distance would have been sure that the packet had drugs or atleast illicit liquor. But we were just having paan, for crying out loud!

The same old story…

Reminded me of the time when, as students, we reached the liquor shop in Viveknagar in Bangalore at exactly 10 pm to find the shop closing. My friend dived and we saw his shoe soles disappearing just as the shutters came down. That was a very dangerous thing to do. A fraction of a second late or a fraction of a centimeter wide and he might have had a few broken bones. (Later, however, we always remembered it as a glorious Mission Impossible type moment.) Minutes later, my friend triumphantly emerged from another door with a bottle. It was as if he had broken some great odds and was really proud of it.

Reminded me of the time when, in Noida with the very same friend, we decided to go and search for dinner at the “unearthly” hour of 10pm. Suddenly in pitch darkness we heard shrill whistling and before we knew it cops surrounded us. “Who are you?” “What are you doing?” “Are you new to this area?” It was a scene straight out of a Bollywood movie where the cops were on the verge of catching some known gangsters.

When we stated our intent, a cop laughed and told us to go home and sleep. There was a daily curfew. Nothing stayed open beyond 930-10pm for safety reasons. Not even dinner. Then I think he relaxed his hand on what looked like a gun. It was difficult to tell as they were wearing shawls to escape the Delhi winters. I guess it was truly a crime for a bachelor to be hungry beyond 10 in this zone. We were too stunned to even play our Hindustan Times press cards, which works so well in the NCR region. The absurdity of it all!

Reminded me of my night shifts at the Hindustan Times in Connaught Place, the heart of Delhi. Bustling with shops and people from all over throughout a day, after 7pm they all started closing one by one. Beyond 8, the centre used to be a circle of darkness and a haven for criminals. When I used to walk from the bus stop to the office, I used to wonder whether this blackness was actually the capital of modern India. At this time, most world cities would just start waking up with their nightlives.

While some cities do have it, why does nightlife in India generally have to be so non-existent?

Once upon a time…

…in socialist India, there were few cars and scooters, few nightclubs and few ways for one to get around even after 9 in the night. No matter how badly he wanted it, the common man couldn’t get a nightlife. Authorities, probably in order to avoid complications and crime, clamped down and enforced all sorts of curfews. It may have made sense at that time. Going by Bollywood movies, everything that operated late was associated with either smuggling or gambling or with criminals or seedy red-light areas. But that era seems more than a lifetime away, even for me who grew up in it.

Today…

…people work late, do night shifts, catch flights at odd hours and have enough means of transportation for the night. Satellite TV and the Internet both have given rise to a 24-hour lifestyle. There’s no point in restricting this outside the home. A lot of Indian conservatives still frown upon the “nightlife” concept of discos, pubs, nightclubs, bars and the like. But what logic is there in not allowing shops, restaurants, coffee shops and thelas for 24 hours? Why can’t all multiplexes and movie halls screen movies from midnight to early morning? In the cities, there will always be takers for it.

If anything, it might also prevent crime thanks to the presence of late night crowds. In our country, everything has moved forward except the governments and their sets of archaic rules. This is such an elementary thing and doesn’t even require legislation. Cities can start easing things on their own. But the authorities are still quite comfortable imposing curfews for 7pm, 9pm, 10pm… depending on which area you are in. For what joy? Do they all go home and sleep early?

We have such hectic lifestyles and want to do so much in the day. By imposing deadlines on the things we can do outside at night and hence squeezing the already limited amount of time… just doesn’t make sense.

I wish the authorities got a life and gave us one too.

© Sunil Rajguru