Sunil.Rajguru's World » Virtual World

When Manmohan Singh went onTwitter…

Sunil Rajguru — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 10:25:00 +0000

Dear Manmohan… idea for your first Tweet… 140 Zeroes… since you are a zero loss government…

∙ The PM has just completed a Thousand Tweets.
The only reason Twitter or anyone else hasn’t noticed is because all those Tweets were of Zero characters each, complying fully with his offline image.

∙ Why hasn’t Manmohan Singh Tweeted anything yet?
Because he was told that Twitter allows only 140 characters.
He’s making that list right now…
Character 1: Sonia, Character 2: Rahul, Character 3…

∙ Why is Manmohan Singh’s Twitter account like James Bond? Because it also has a 00 (double zero) in front of it: 0 (Tweets) 0 (Following).

Tweet Tweet na raha, censor censor ho gaya…

Sunil Rajguru — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 11:34:43 +0000

So Twitter has decided to block certain Tweets if required by law.

Many users are seething at this censorship.

Please sing to the tune of Dost dost na raha from Sangam…

Tweet Tweet na raha, censor censor ho gaya,
Cyberspace hamain tera, aitbaar na raha, aitbaar na raha….

Keemti Tweets mere apne dil ki, gaya tha jisko saunp kar,
Woh mere networking site tum hi the, tumhi to the,
Jo Internet ki raah me bane the mere hamsafar,
Woh mere networking site tum hi the, tumhi to the,
Saare bhed khul gaye, raazdaar na raha,
Cyberspace hamain tera, aitbaar na raha, aitbaar na raha….
Tweet Tweet na raha…

(Original Song: Dost dost na raha.
Film: Sangam.
Year: 1964)

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Where are we without the Internet?

Sunil Rajguru — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 23:43:16 +0000

∙ When are you submitting your paper/essay/article/column/backrounder?
Please give me a 24-hour extension, Wikipedia is off today!

∙ If the Government bans Google…
…will industries like the media and academia come crashing down?

∙ If the Government bans Facebook…
…will a few million people in India feel empty, lifeless and go into depression?
Without social networking, will we become more anti-social?

∙ If the access to the Internet is cut off…
…will we feel badly stuck in the sticky web of the offline world?

C for Cyberspace, but C for Censorship?

Sunil Rajguru — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 11:54:46 +0000

(The world’s largest democracy wants to regulate the world’s largest democratic medium…)

Kapil Sibal sahab: Whether it’s someone like you or someone like me,
Whether it’s grand Madam Sonia or the beleaguered Narendra Modi,

Whether you’re a bigot or trying to make your point pretty fairly,
Whether you’re pretty famous or just a piece of anonymity,

Once you get into cyberspace and make any opinion “simply”,
Get ready to be attacked and get it from all sides equally,

If a newspaper becomes trash the next day, in cyberspace it’s gone in an hour,
(Unless you keep digging it out of the grave over some perverse sense of honour),

Just take the criticism and move on, the Net won’t cut you any slack,
Otherwise just get out of cyberspace and don’t look back.

The UPA wants the 1984 reality in 2012…

Sunil Rajguru — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 10:40:32 +0000

In Steven Spielberg’s movie Minority Report, the pre-crime division arrested people before they committed the crime!
The UPA is working on a similar technology by which all anti-Congress status messages, comments and photographs will be blocked even before they can be put up.
After Spielberg, the UPA is looking to better George Orwell’s Thought Police.
Nineteen Eighty-Four has come and gone, but beware of Two Thousand-Twelve!

The Cybernukkad…
What if a Government official announced at every nukkad in India that speaking against the government was banned?
What would happen?
There would be a revolution all across India!
So then, why are you trying to do the same at all Cyberspace nukkads?

How to catch the Internet with a Net…

Sunil Rajguru — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 10:12:05 +0000

The Government of India has just issued an Order…

Book Facebook!
Catch the Twitter Twits!
Log the Blogs for libel!
Take the yahoo out of Yahoo!
Shoot the MSN messenger!
In short…
Fence Cyberspace!
Catch the Internet with a Net!

Overheard…

An IT Minister: All I’m asking is for half-a-dozen companies to sift through a few billion status updates, pictures and links every day and remove the millions of pieces of content that are offensive to us. How unreasonable is that? These websites, I tell you…

A Congress Worker: That’s against us… that’s against us… that’s against us… (after a few thousand “That’s against us-es”)… hey! that’s against a particular community! Now we have finally got our peg!

The Facebook Ilu Ilu song…

Sunil Rajguru — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 12:55:40 +0000

Please read to the tune of the song Ilu Ilu from the film Saudagar…

Ilu…
Ilu ilu…
Ye ilu ilu kya hai yeh ilu ilu,
Jab news feed main koi status message aaya to dost ne kaha,
Ilu ilu… ilu ilu…
Picture dekh ke aaya dher saara maja, to bola ye samaa,
Ilu ilu… ilu ilu…
Jab koi virtual cheez achhi lagti hai, badi pyaari pyaari lagti hai,
To dost click karta hai,
Ilu ilu… ilu ilu…
Ye ilu ilu kya hai ye ilu ilu,
Ilu ka matlab I l you, I l you,
Ilu ka matlab I like you, I like you,
Hey I like your status, I like your pix, I like your comment…

Ilu…
Ilu ilu…
Ye ilu ilu kya hai ye ilu ilu,
Jab meethe status koi lagaye misri ki meesri ki meethi daliyon se,
Jab mast baharon ka mausam ka koi picture lagaye,
Jab link se aaye koi gyaan guru,
To dost click karta hai,
Ilu ilu… ilu ilu…
Ye ilu ilu kya hai ye ilu ilu,
Ilu ka matlab I l you, I l you,
Ilu ka matlab I like you, I like you,
Hey I like your status, I like your pix, I like your comment…

(Original song: Ilu Ilu.
Film: Saudagar.
Year: 1991.)

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru

There’s no difference between old news and very old news…

Sunil Rajguru — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 16:52:16 +0000

My morning paper comes late.
So I don’t read today’s paper and save it for tomorrow early morning.
I’ve been doing it for months now and haven’t noticed any difference…

∙ It is said that the Yomiuri Shimbun of Japan has a circulation of 14 million, the highest in the world.
But doesn’t the Facebook News Feed have a readership of 800 million?

∙ The future of the newspaper will depend on the time spent by mankind to conclude it’s bowel movement early in the morning.

∙ Isn’t it time to change the name of Newspaper to Oldpaper?

∙ If a newspaper ever runs a campaign to increase Internet literacy, it is in effect running a campaign to kill itself in the long run.

∙ The Obituary of the Newspaper will one day come on the Internet.

Facebook Nations: Relationship Status

Sunil Rajguru — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 11:42:41 +0000

America-Pakistan: It’s Complicated.
(Where US=Husband)

India-Pakistan: Divorced in 1947, still awaiting final settlement.

America-China: It’s Complicated.
(Where US=Wife)

Russia-America: It’s so funny how we don’t talk any more.

Brazil-Argentina: Relationship? Depends whether it’s on the football field or off it!

Afghanistan-Pakistan: Separated at birth, hyphenated in the 2000s.
(Af-Pak)

India-China: Married. (To the concept of being the next Superpower)

Israel-Palestine: Separated at birth, united in conflict.

South Korea-North Korea: Brothers. (In Arms)

England-France: Neighbours. (Thank God for the Channel!)

China-Taiwan-Tibet: What relationship? We are One. (Or so says every schizophrenic)

Robert Browning in the 21st century…

Sunil Rajguru — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 13:04:12 +0000

The year’s at the winter,
And day’s even at night;
Morning’s a crazy blur at seven;
The hill-side’s heavily polluted;
The children are at their video consoles,
The father is with his Blackberry,
The mother is in cyberspace,
And all’s right with the world…

With due apologies to Pippa Passes

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru