US: I know.

Pak: I know that you know.

US: I know that you know.

Pak: I know that you know that I know.

US: I know that you know that I know.

India: I know. Everyone knows. I know that you all know. Everyone knows that you all know. We also know that we can do absolutely nothing about it.

Rest of the World: The cup of knowledge is full. We don’t want to know anymore.

Post Script: Looks like WikiLeaks just joined the “I Know Club”. More leaks around the corner…

P.P.S.: Ignorance is bliss. Knowledge is Useless.

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

Followed by…

Bhai tum login karoge ya nahi?
Haan, main login karoonga, lekin main akela login nahi karoonga… main sabse pehle login nahi karoonga…. jao pehle us aadmi se login karao, jisne mere baap ko Facebook addict banaya tha; pehle us aadmi se login karao jisne meri maa ko Orkut par anshan comments likhe the aur har ek social networking site se nikal diya tha; pehle us aadmi ka login karao jisne mere haath pe ye ye (“Mera baap Facebook addict hai”) likh diya tha. Uske baad… uske baad, mere bhai, tu jitne baar Facebook pe login karne ko bolega, main karunga…

(This Version: Sunil Rajguru)

• In India a baby is born every second and a Breaking News item born every two seconds.

• Offline doesn’t mean Deadline.
24/7 online usually means that you are dead from the real world.

• Virtual Unreality: What the computer world actually is…
(Virtual is the opposite of real. Unreal is also the opposite of real… Two double negatives = ?)

• Old dilemma: Does he chuck or not?
New dilemma: Should he be called a chucker or not?

© Sunil Rajguru

Sar jo tera chakraye,
Ya dil dooba jaaye,
Aaja pyaare paas hamare,
Kaahe ghabraye,
Kaahe ghabraye.

Lakh comments ka ek tareeka hai,
Kyu na aazmaye, kaahe ghabraye.

This Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

(Original Song: Sar Jo Tera Chakraaye
Film: Pyaasa
Year: 1957)

XYZ is a person you may know…

You and XYZ have 35 mutual friends, you’ve got to add…

People You May Know –> Add XYZ as a friend

People You May Know –> Add XYZ as a friend

People You May Know –> Add XYZ as a friend

…

OK, you finally succumb to the temptation.

Result…

Do You really want to add XYZ as a friend?

(After all the soliciting, the doubt?)

XYZ will have to confirm that you are friends.

(Yes I know you Facebook application blockhead, just send the request)

Please enter the two barely legible words in the box, you may be a bloody spammer for all I know.

(Sigh is it worth adding friends anymore?)

Sorry, the person has too many users.

(Arrggghhh!!! Thanks for the suggestion anyway, I think)

Logout. Login again, to be greeted by the very same message:

Why don’t you add XYZ…

XYZ is a person you……

Deja Vu anyone?

© Sunil Rajguru

2010: Raju denies he ever pleaded guilty

2014: Govt denies scandal ever took place

2020: Raju officially declared “Father of IT”

2030: Detractors say Raju never existed

2040: Records show Satyam never existed

Post Script: Satyam is the Sanskrit word for Truth

(This version: Sunil Rajguru)

• Makes you more social: You are forced to interact with your neighbours on a more regular basis…

• While the world hosts Earth Hour annually, we Indians celebrate it about a 1000 times a year. Some places celebrate Earth Day and Earth Week. Some villages even celebrate Earth Decade.

• A welcome check on kids who watch non-stop TV or play computer games without a break.

• India consumes less power and is hence eco-friendlier than other countries.

• Savings on your power bill.

© Sunil Rajguru

…as spoilt as Mamata and her tantrums

…as unfulfilled as Advani and his dreams

…as stale as the Left and its government in Bengal

…as high-profile as Raj Thackeray and his miniscule achievements

…as low-key as Manmohan and his style of governance

…as destructive as Laloo and his Bihar rule

…as murky as cricket and its political patrons

…as huge as a politician’s black wealth

…as hopeless an Indian leader’s vision

…as blind as an Indian voter’s vote

…as brazen as a corrupt politician’s defence

…as ineffective as an Indian government scheme

…as opportunistic as Pawar and his tie-ups

…as two-faced as Vajpayee and his political life

…as fleeting as Deve Gowda’s prime ministerial stint

…as anonymous as Gujral’s prime ministerial stint

…as diplomatic as Amar Singh and his network

…as bankrupt as an Indian leader’s idea bank

…as fiery as a communal speech

…as enigmatic as Sonia and her mind

…as lasting as the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

A billion planets out there and we’re stuck on this one
So far 450+ extrasolar planets have been discovered (outside our solar system). Scientists estimate that there are more than a billion planets in our galaxy alone!
(With so many possible planets, a big Boo! to all those experts who claim that there is no chance of life elsewhere.)

Our sun may have a Nemesis…
The Nemesis Star Hypothesis states that a smaller star/sun (brown/red dwarf) may be circling the sun, making our solar system a binary star system!
(Two Suns, Two Lives, Two Loves, Two Chances, Two Gods…)

From 9th to almost Lakhon main ek
While everyone knows that Pluto has been downgraded, did you know that it is now merely a Kuiper Belt Object (KBO)? One estimate says that there are 70,000 KBOs of more than 100kms diameter! Plus Pluto is not even independent, but part of a binary system with Charon. And its new name is 134340 Pluto.
(Whatever made Pluto think that it could be a planet? It sure fooled us for 75 years!)

A humongous cloud where comets are born
Have you heard of the Oort Cloud? It’s far beyond the Kuiper Belt. That’s where comets are born. Large objects are pushed from this place to become comets with a tail as they come near the sun. How many objects are there which are larger than 1km? Trillions!
90377 Sedna, a potential Dwarf Planet may live here.
(Mujhe nahin maloom tha ki Hailey’s Comet ke itne saare bhai hai.)

Parting Shot: So the true picture of our solar system is four inner planets, followed by the Asteroid Belt with thousands of objects, followed by four outer planets with hundreds of moons and moonlets, followed by the Kuiper Belt with tens of thousands of objects, followed by the Oort Cloud with trillions of objects, followed by maybe another sun.
We are also surrounded by trillions of stars in the universe with billions of planets and millions of Black Holes.
Phew!

© Sunil Rajguru

• They say that God makes someone for everyone. In India, there are 944 females for every 1000 males. Does that mean there’s no-one for 56 males out of every 1000? Or is that some kind of Gay indicator?

• When India loses miserably and they show the subsequent Highlights, shouldn’t they be called Lowlights instead?

• There’s a gastronomical gap in my life. My stomach can never keep up with my mouth.

• Don’t worry too much about your roots. You always carry them with you and can plant them wherever you want.

• If you take morning walks in India with a “Sar utha ke jio” attitude, then you’re sure to step on dog poop and other dirt or trip over something.

© Sunil Rajguru