West Asia peace going South… Middle East’s stuck in the middle…  I ran away with the nukes… Israel ho gaya hai derail… Obama ka drama… Cameron’s off too… So’s Hillary Clintoff… Ali Khamenei’s brought them on their knees… Ahmadinejad’s jihad… Egypt’s easy no more… Obama’s Nobel Prize of Piece(s)… Belligerent Benjamin Netanyahu’s NoToNukes… Shimon Peace?… or political nuclear meltdown…

© Sunil Rajguru

Election 1: Vote for a party that’s bad.
Election 2: Vote for a party that’s worse.
Election 3: Vote for the worst party.
Election 4: Go back to step 1.

Actual problem…
Why are you voting for the party and not the candidate?

© Sunil Rajguru

Life doesn’t give us all a second chance.

But Rahul will get at least 10 more chances to become PM.

(Read: Lok Sabha Polls)

P.S. Priyanka aur Robert ka number bhi aayega! Abhi haso, baad main jhelo.

P.P.S. 2012 main Pappu fail ho gaya, par agle baar zaroor pass hoga! (Nahin to uske agle baar, nahin to uske bhi agle baar… till 2050)

© Sunil Rajguru

∙ When I told him the US was involved in the Afghanistan war, he was aghast.
“But didn’t Obama get the Nobel Prize for Peace?”
“Yes.”
“So is he allowed to do that?
“Yes.”
“Then he might as well attach his Nobel Peace medal to a Cruise missile and send it to Afghanistan!

∙ Once I was having trouble explaining how America is the most powerful country in the world.
He asked, “Is it so powerful that it can get hold of any country and tell it to commit suicide?”

∙ His cyber jargon is everywhere. I asked him why he hadn’t gone for a bath yet when he said, “The water is still loading.” (The bucket was still filling with water)

∙ When I couldn’t get the gift he wanted on the day of his birthday, I promised to get a small gift that day and his actual one later.
He was very pleased and then looked worried.
He asked, “I hope this is not what they call Corruption!”

∙ His idea of a “political” joke…
He flew a plane and said, “It’s not going high.”
Then he wrote something on it and threw it and it went pretty high.
“Guess what I wrote,” he asked and showed me the plane.
He had written “Petrol prices” on both sides.

∙ At times it is very difficult to react to their absolutely nonsensical statements…
Once when I was discussing Shakespeare, he commented, “Shakespeare was a punk. Everyone writes better than him nowadays.”
I have absolutely no idea where children get such ideas from nowadays.

∙ Whenever he does something without our permission, he says that he is doing it “illegally”.

∙ It was tough watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button with him.
He demanded to know the exact physical and mental age of Brad Pitt at the beginning of every new scene.

∙ Once while discussing the future of civil aviation, my son commented that in 2100, Indian planes would be like passenger trains, stopping at every city and there would be vendors yelling “chai chai” in the aisles.

∙ Me: When I was of your age, I used to eat less than half the amount of chocolates you eat.
Him: That’s nothing, when I’ll be of your age, I won’t be eating chocolates at all!

© Sunil Rajguru

Maya: Sab Rahul ne bigaada!
Rahul: Ye sab Maya hai!

∙ Akhilesh: Mere paas UP hai, satta hai, power hai, , future hai, state main goonda log, minorities, even middle class, sab kuch mere paas hai… tere paas kya hai?
Rahul: Mere paas maa hai!

∙ The Congress glass is half-full/half-empty spin (Con)…
Detractors: The glass is 7/8ths empty
Cong: The glass is 1/8ths full.
(Roughly based on UP Assembly seat share)

∙ RAHUL will now stand for Rahul After Humiliating Uttarpradesh Loss.
Or maybe…
Rahul nahin Akhilesh Hain Uttarpradesh ka Lal.

∙ In UP, BSP will stand for…
Bahumat: Samajwadi Party.

∙ Looks like Rahul gave more speeches than seats that the Congress party won.

∙ How Rahul spectacularly succeeded…
Rahul through his aggressive campaigning opened the eyes of the voters to Maya’s misrule. That’s why they promptly went ahead and voted for the SP!

∙ The Law of the Diminishing Dynasty…
Rajiv: 404 LS Seats.
Sonia: 206 LS seats.
Rahul: Less than 50 UP Assembly seats (In alliance!).

© Sunil Rajguru

The more things change…

Pre-2011: You can’t win em all. (On home pitches)
Post-2011: You can lose em all! (On foreign pitches)

2007 WC: Nothing to celebrate.
2011 WC: No time to celebrate.

1996: Matches are fixed.
2012: Cricket is in a fix.

The more they remain the same…

1992: Sachin scores an international century after a year!
2012: Sachin scores an international century after a year?

1974: Sack the captain who won our first ever series on West Indies and England soil!
1987: Sack the captain who won us the World Cup!
1988-90 & 1996-07:  Sack whoever is the captain!
2012: Sack the captain who won us two world cups and the Test No. 1 crown!

© Sunil Rajguru