The dialogue from the film Deewar is so powerful, that it can almost be used in any Bollywood movie…

Deewar (The original)
Amitabh Bachchan: Mere paas gaadi hai, bangla hai, bank balance hai… tumhare paas kya hain?
Shashi Kapoor: Mere paas maa hain!

Paa
Abhisheik Bachchan: Mere paas gaadi hai, bangla hai, bank balance hai, political status hai… tumhare paas kya hain?
Amitabh Bachchan: Mere paas maa hain!

Om Shanti Om
Arjun Rampal: Mere paas gaadi hai, bangla hai, bank balance hai, Hollywood career hai… tumhare paas kya hain?
Shahrukh Khan: Mere paas pichhle janam ki maa hain!

Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham…
Shahrukh Khan: Mere paas gaadi hai, bangla hai, bank balance hai, London main business hai… tumhare paas kya hain?
Amitabh Bachchan: Mere paas tumhari maa hain!

Mother India
Sunil Dutt: Mere paas ghoda hain, bandook hain, power hai, paisa hai, gang hai, tumhare paas kya hain?
Rajendra Kumar: Mere paas maa hai!

3 Idiots
Aamir Khan: Mere paas.. maa nahin hai!
Kareena Kapoor: Mere paas… bhi maa nahin hai!
Aila ye kaisi movie hai!

Ghajini
Aamir Khan: Mere paas gaadi, bangla, bank balance… hain kya? Bhool gaya!
Aamir Khan again: Mere paas maa… hain kay? Bhool gaya!

Fictional Saas-bahu movie…
Pati: (Krodhit ho ke) Mere paas gaadi hai, bangla hai, bank balance hai… tumhare paas kya hai?
Patni: (Ro ro ke) Mere paas tumhari maa hai!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Tere baap ka raj hain kya?
Abhisheik Bachchan: Haan!

Don ko remake karta hai? Woh kahani kya tere baap ne likhi thi?
Farhan Akhtar: Haan!

Mere paas talent hain, tere paas kya hain?
Kareena: Mere paas maa, baap, behen, chacha, chachi, dada, pardada, chachera bhai…

Tu jaanta nahin mera baap kaun hai?
Nahin!
Aur mera baap?
Nahin!
Aur mera?
Nahin!
Saala, Bollywood movies hi nahin dekhta!

© Sunil Rajguru

Kab Tak Chhup Rahunga! followed by its sequel Meri Awaaz Suno, starring Manmohan Singh

Dilli Ka Thug, starring Baba Ramdev and directed by Diggy Raja

Ready (for PM’s post), starring Rahul Beta and directed by Diggy Raja

Golmaal 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 & 8, a multi-star cast from UPA 2

Atithi Tum Kab Jaoge?, starring the Tatas and directed by Mamata

Hum Aapke Hain Koun…!, starring Karunanidhi and its sequel Aap Mujhe Achche Lagne Lage, starring Jayalalitha, both directed by Sonia Gandhi

Pardes, a sweet love story about Indian black money dancing in Switzerland

Chor Machaye Shor & Paisa Khaaya To Darna Kya, starring Kanimozhi and Dayanidhi Maran

Beta, starring Rahul and directed by Sonia

UPA Teri Sarkar Maili, another multi-star cast from UPA 2

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Mamata: Guzaarish hai ki mere paas Railways rahe.
Sonia: Hmmm… waise bhi tumne Railways ko Guzaarish ka Hrithik bana ke chhod diya!
West Bengal: Arre! Guzaarish ka Hirthik to hum ban ke raha gaye 34 saal main!
Mamata kya hai, koi na jaane…
Dawa hai ya euthnasia?
Jald pata chalega…

Jaya: Ab yahan ke hum Sikander, chahe to kar le Karuna, Kani wagere ko apne jail ke andar…

Buddha: Hum Dono Ghayal ho gaye re!
Karuna: Chinta mat kar, Indian voter ko Ghajini ki tarah short term memory loss hai, agle elections tak sab bhool jaayenge.
Buddha: Sahi re! Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna!

Prakash Karat, Sitaram Yechuri and Buddhadeb decided to unwind in India Coffee House.
They were discussing Bollywood films.
A bearer came and was asked, “3 Idiots dekha kya?”
The bearer replied, “Wohi to dekh raha hu abhi!”

Sonia Gandhi at the Centre.
Jayalalitha from the South.
Mayawati and Shiela Dixit from the North.
Mamata Banerjee from the East.
Pratibha Patil from the West.
Now Showing: Mother India

Now showing in Chennai for 20 years and running…
Kabhi Karuna Kabhi Amma

Golmaal 1: Adarsh
Golmaal 2: CWG
Golmaal 3: 2G
Coming soon: Golmaal 4, will be released before the 2012 elections.

Singh is King gaya tel lene…
Ab bolo…
Amma is Queen
Didi is Queen
etc

Overheard…
Congress to DMK: Hum Aapke Hain Kaun?

Now Showing in Kolkata…
My Name is Communist (And I am not a failure!)

Coming in 2012
Voters: The Chase Begins Again

© Sunil Rajguru

All is Well: An Optimist’s Take on Life

All Is Not Email: How The Indian Post Re-Invented Itself

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

The Idiotic Trilogy

Three Point Someones: What not to do at Bollywood—Chetan Bhagat

The Idiot—Aamir Khan, Rajkumar Hirani and Vidhu Vinod Chopra

3 Idiots: The True Story—Chetan Bhagat

The Khan Series

Wanted A Hit No More—Salman Khan

Who is Shahrukh Khan?—Aamir Khan

Wait for My Name is Khan—Shahrukh Khan

My Name is Also Khan—Aamir Khan

Same Here—Salman Khan

What about me?—Imran Khan

There are More Than Three Khans in Bollywood—Arbaaz, Farah, Fardeen, Irrfan, Saif, Sajid and Soha Ali.

General Reading

The Story of My Experiments With the National Anthem—Ram Gopal Varma

De Dana Dan Flops have left me Blue—Akshay Kumar

Child is the Father of Man—Amitabh & Abhishek Bachchan

My Real Rashee is Cancer—Priyanka Chopra

Hit Hain Possible—Uday Chopra

The Airport—Shahrukh Khan (aka The Terminal)

Mumbai pe Bombay Kurbaan—Karan Johar

Solah Bigha Zameen—Amitabh Bachchan

The Art of Flying Kites—Hrithik Roshan & Barbara Mori

The Songs of India—AR Rahman

Prison Diary— Neil Nitin Mukesh

Coming Soon, The Idiotic Sequel Trilogy

The Misers—Chetan Bhagat

Much Ado About Nothing—Vidhu Vinod Chopra

The Merchants of Bollywood—Chetan Bhagat

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

Akshay Kumar + Vulgar Script + Over the Top Comedy + Katrina Kaif = 1 Superhit

Akshay Kumar + Vulgar Script + Over the Top Comedy – Katrina Kaif = 1 Superflop

Hero = Producer = Director = Creative Head = The Future of All Aamir Khan Movies

1 Father + 1 Son + The Letter K + Any Script/Story = A Hrithik Roshan Superhit

Film star + IPL Team = No Hope of Lifting the IPL Trophy

1 Yesteryears Actor + 1 Yesteryears Actress + 1 Item Girl + 1 Bollywood Side Star = Bigg Boss House

1 Profession + 1 Strong Heroine + Loads of Realism = A Madhur Bhandarkar film

Any Hero + Any Heroine + Any Comedy Movie + Ritesh Deshmukh = A Commission Earner

Akshay Kumar + Sunil Shetty + Paresh Rawal + Priyadarshan = Hera Pheri 1,2,3,4,5…

1 Quickly Made Film + 1 New Heroine + 1 New Director + 1 Don/Ghost = Has to be RGV

Rani Mukherji + Rumours of Marriage with Aditya Chopra = Career Gone Bust

Some pretty old ones…

A Bhatt Film + 1 New Heroine + Multiple Kisses + Great Music = An Emraan Hashmi Hit

Love Story + Designer Clothes + Chiffon Sarees + Switzerland Song Sequence + Lata Theme Song = A Yash Raj Film

Many Designer Sets + 1 SRK + Loads of Melodrama + Rani/Kajol Starring/Guests = A Karan Johar film

This Version By Sunil Rajguru