Kapil Sibal is still adamant about policing the Net even though such news is in the background.

Please sing to the tune of Ram Ka Naam Badnam Na Karo from the film Hare Rama Hare Krishna…

Dekho O deewano tum ye kaam na karo,
Gandhi Pariwar ka naam badnaam na karo,
Jai Sonia ji aur Jai Rahul ji.

Sonia ne hanskar sab sukh tyaage,
Tum sab dukh se dar ke bhage,
Rahul ne karm ki reet sikhayee,
Tum ne farz se aankh churayee,
O Gandhi duhaayee,
Gandhi Pariwar ka naam badnaam na karo,
Jai Sonia ji aur Jai Rahul ji.

(Original Song: Ram Ka Naam Badnam Na Karo.
Film: Hare Rama Hare Krishna.
Year: 1971.)

This Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Pre-screen.
Pre-screen who?
Pre-screen you and your head first, Mr Minister!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Anna.
Anna who?
An’ now to Stage 3 of my agitation!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Black money.
Black money who?
Black many accounts yes, but back money to India, no!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

(The world’s largest democracy wants to regulate the world’s largest democratic medium…)

Kapil Sibal sahab: Whether it’s someone like you or someone like me,
Whether it’s grand Madam Sonia or the beleaguered Narendra Modi,

Whether you’re a bigot or trying to make your point pretty fairly,
Whether you’re pretty famous or just a piece of anonymity,

Once you get into cyberspace and make any opinion “simply”,
Get ready to be attacked and get it from all sides equally,

If a newspaper becomes trash the next day, in cyberspace it’s gone in an hour,
(Unless you keep digging it out of the grave over some perverse sense of honour),

Just take the criticism and move on, the Net won’t cut you any slack,
Otherwise just get out of cyberspace and don’t look back.

© Sunil Rajguru

Said: We believe that you have the right to say whatever you want…
Unsaid: …as long as it agrees with us.

Said: We do not believe in censorship, but pre-screening.
Unsaid: How about a compulsory Anti-Offensive Software for every computer? Think of the effectiveness! Think of the revenue for such a project! Think of the kickbacks!

Said: I will defend your right to freedom of speech till the very end.
Unsaid: Till your end at least!

Said: Look at these photos. Aren’t they offensive? (At the press conference)
Unsaid: A voracious Facebooker like me hadn’t even seen these photos! Now thanks to you, millions are exchanging the same on the Internet all over the world.

Said: We asked the Internet companies to come out with a mechanism in four long weeks.
Unsaid: Even though the Lokpal Bill has been hanging fire with us politicos for four short decades.

Said: We asked them to give it in writing!
Unsaid: Even though our written “sense of the house” had absolutely no bearing on the Lokpal Bill.

Said: We will come out with the guidelines soon.
Unsaid: I have seen what problems this silly move has created and as usual we are going to make the problem so big that we will be forced to beat a hasty retreat.

© Sunil Rajguru

∙ Freedom is my virtual birthright and I shall have it!

∙ Cyberspace is free speech of the netizens, for the netizens and by the netizens and all the politicians can go jump in a virtual lake!

∙ The Internet did not invent free speech. In a very real sense … free speech invented the Internet.

∙ It is true that in cyberspace you may suppress most of the people some of the time; you can even suppress some of the people all the time; but you can’t suppress all of the people all of the time.

∙ And so, my foolish politicians: ask not what the Internet can do for you – ask what you can do for the Internet.

∙ Politicians do not mistrust the Internet because they are maligned; they are maligned because they mistrust the Internet.

∙ Politicians versus the Internet: First they ignore it, then they try to suppress it, then they fight it, then the Internet wins.

∙ Tum mujhe bandwidth do, main tumhe free speech doonga…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Sibal: Censor cyberspace!
Cyberspace: Censor Sibal!

Singhvi: Lokpal draft finished.
Team Anna: Lokpal finished!

Religious leader to women: Please don’t touch bananas.
Congress woman president to party leaders: Please stop going bananas!

Congress: FDI in Retail.
The Rest: Retail of Foreign Delayed Indefinitely.

Pranab Mukherjee: We are lucky that we are not eating lizards!
Citizen to politician: You lizard!

© Sunil Rajguru

Desibal: The amount of noise Sibal makes when he makes a grand announcement about things like policing the Internet.
1 Desibal = 200 decibels (dB).
Reference: 130dB=Threshold of pain. 194dB=The theoretical limit for undistorted sound.

Invisibal: The unseen logic of all the school of thoughts in the world that do not conform to Sibalism.

Abolisibal: Something that should be totally done away with, like cyberspace and the BJP.

Irasibal: The irritation we feel when we see Sibal and the irritation he feels when he looks down upon us.

Sensibal: What Mr Sibal thinks he is when he is actually nonsensibal.

Coersibal: The force which Sibal thinks he has to coerce us into submission.

Convinsibal: A synonym for unable of being convinced.

Enforsibal: Cyberspace censorship? Ha ha ha!

Forsibal: What we will do if you don’t compy with us.

Permisibal: The condition of only pro-Congress things being allowed in India.

© Sunil Rajguru