∙ IPL: Auction.
Indian Cricket: Uski bhi nilaami ho raha hai.

∙ T20% of revenues coming in only nowadays.

∙ ODI = One Day India (were champions, but not today).

∙ Dhoni is the new Nehru-Gandhi dynasty type icon: There is no alternative.

∙ BCCI theme song…
Mujhe teri sponsorship ka Sahara mil gaya hota, agar toofan nahi aata…

∙ Meanwhile the UPA is also going in for a BCCI type board of its own…
Board of Control of Corruption in India.
When pointed out that this misses out Swiss Bank accounts, then the name ICC was suggested…
International Corruption Council.

© Sunil Rajguru

Worker: Sahab, woh petrol to airlines ke liye hain!
Business Tycoon: Koi baat nahin, F1 main daal do.

Worker: Sahab, woh paisa to airlines ke liye hain!
Tycoon: Koi baat nahin, IPL pe udaa do.

Moral of the story: When you’re on a high, then the world looks totally different.
Handling that same world during a hangover is a different matter altogether.

P.S. Also overheard…

Retired Captain: Mere dhakkan main kya burai thi? Sasta tha par theek thaak udtaa to tha. Uspe laal rang thopoge to ye sab to hona hi tha na!
Tycoon: Ye laal rang kab mujhe chhodega…
Worker: Ab to peena band karo!

© Sunil Rajguru

Sunday ho ya ande,
Roz khao dande,
Scorecard pe ande,
Press conferences main anek funde,
Khele acche ya gande…
…phir bhi hit hai IPL aur ad ke dhandhe.
Ye hain Indian cricket team ke bandhe…

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru

∙ Left hand doesn’t know what right hand is doing?
In Pakistan, the brain doesn’t know what both hands are doing.

∙ Feels like Dhoni was born and brought up in Chennai. Won’t be surprised if he stars in Shankar’s next film speaking fluent Tamil!

(May 29)

∙ Here: ISI = Indian Standards Institute
Elsewhere: ISI = International Standards Institute of terrorists

(May 28)

∙ The IPL has just split into the Indies Premier League and the Injured Premier League.

∙ Major Iqbal doesn’t exist.
ISI-terror nexus doesn’t exist.
Osama support system never existed…
Very soon Pakistan won’t exist!

(May 27)

∙ Current political roadmap for India…
No Left turns…
No Right turns…
But still long steep road ahead…

∙ Dear Bharadwaj,
Karnataka is not fond of Pratibha Patil.
Kindly leave her out of the equation.
Regards,
Even someone who’s not a fan of Yeddy.

∙ There was Houdini, who could get out of any situation, no matter what…
Then there’s Houdhoni!

∙ It’s either Gayle or Ghayal.
RCB is an Aaya Gayle, Gaya Gayle team… totally Gayle bharose…

(May 25)

∙ From now on, the Indian version of the Punch and Judy Show will be referred to as the Hans and Yeddy Show.

∙ Charlie Sheen was the only Man in Two and a Half Men.
With the way it is going, they should rename it…
Three Half-men.

(May 20)

∙ In case of midterm polls in Karnataka, Bharadwaj should be the Cong CM candidate.
He’s the only Cong face and his aggression may well help the state.
(In 2014, if BJP wins at centre, then BSY can become Governor)

(May 16)

∙ Petrol prices in India don’t need Viagra.
They keep rising all the time no matter what…

(May 15)

∙ US-Pak ties are like a terribly failed marriage where both parties are petrified of a divorce…

(May 13)

∙ If India had to retrieve its most wanted out of Pakistan, we’d require a fleet of A380s to do so, not a bunch of choppers!

∙ I am not ashamed of being an Indian.
I am just sickeningly and totally used to it all by now.

(May 12)

∙ Right now, the US government is fantasizing of doing the same thing to Julian Assange.

∙ Second Thoughts: All Pak Armymen begin their career in Abbottabad. So it was only natural that ISI’s biggest recruit began his career there under a new boss.

(May 10)

∙ Morning Show: Phas Gaya re Osama!
Noon Show: Tere bin Laden!

(May 2)

© Sunil Rajguru

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
IPL.
IPL who?
I play for money not country, that’s what!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
CPM.
CPM who?
Assi PM ko chhodo, abhi hamara koi CM bhi nahin hain!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
IMF.
IMF who?
I’m a fool of an old man with no self-control, that’s who!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
ISI.
ISI who?
I yes I support terrorists. I yes I am anti-American. Kya karloge bhai?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Jairam.
Jairam who?
Jai Ram ji ki Sibal! Thand rakho, itne utawle kyun ho rahe ho?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Major Iqbal.
Major Iqbal who?
Major ek balderash kahani hain, Pakistan ke khilaaf saare saboot jhoote hain.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Jaya.
Jaya who?
Jaya ho bolo, nahin to tumko bhi andar band kardegi jail main!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Kanimozhi.
Kanimozhi who?
Can you please move me out of jail, please?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Ajmal Kasab.
Ajmal Kasab who?
Aaj maal ka sab pooch rahe hain, crore-o gaye, aur crore-o jaaynge mujhe rakhne ke liye!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Kalmadi.
Kalmadi who?
Kal mai Dixit ke saath CWG goof-up kar raha tha. Shiela hain shayaani aur mujhe mili kaalapani?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Barack.
Barack who?
Breaking the Al-Qaeda network single-handedly that’s who!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

∙ In IPL, everything goes in fast forward.
Look at Sourav Ganguly’s career with Team India…

1993: No support
2006: No captaincy
2008: No respect
2009: No Team India

His career with the IPL…

IPL1: No support
IPL2: No captaincy
IPL3: No respect
IPL4: No IPL

∙ Kal tha Bangalorean, aaj hai Rajasthani,
Abhi hoga Bengali, jabki kal tha Delhiwala,
Hero ban gaya zero, zero ban gaya hero,
Kuch zero ghate, kuch zero bade,
IPL ke kacche hai har tarah ke rishtey…

© Sunil Rajguru

Nowadays the IPL is to blame for everything. The BCCI’s mess. The UPA government’s performance. Shashi Tharoor’s career. NCP’s discomfort. … India’s humiliating World Cup loss. Tomorrow it will be blamed for international terrorism and global warming too…

Please read to the tune of Ye lal rang kab mujhe chhodega…

Ye IPL…

Ye IPL kab mujhe chhodega.

Mera game kab talak ho, mera dil todega,
Ye IPL kab mujhe chhodega…

Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

(Original Song: Ye lal rang kab mujhe chhodega
Film: Prem Nagar
Year: 1974)