(Lokpal) Bill toda, hamara Dil toda… Bollywood spoofs on the Lokpal fiasco…

Bill Hain Ki Maanta Nahin… On the inability of the bill to be passed.

Bill To Paagal Hain… Sentiments of Laloo and Co.

Bill Toh Kaccha Hai Ji… The BJP’s reaction.

Bill Diya Dard Liya… The Congress lament.

Bill Bole Hadippa!… What optimists thought would happen…

Bill Kabaddi… What actually happened in the Rajya Sabha.

Hum Bill De Chuke Sanam… Congress washing its hands off saying they introduced it.

Rehnaa Hai Tere Bill Main… CBI Group C&D and the Lokpal.

Hamara Bill Aapke Paas Hai… Team Anna to the UPA.

Bill Ka Rishta… Close to Anna Hazare’s heart.

Bill-E-Nadaan… Said the Opposition

Bill Se Mile Bill… Fate of all bills nowadays, including FDI in retail.

Bill Pe Mat Le Yaar!!!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The First Law…
A large Parliamentary body remains stationary unless that body is acted upon by an external force (like Anna Hazare).
Ultimate model of Intertia=Manmohan Singh.

The Second Law…
The acceleration the Parliamentary body is parallel and directly proportional in case of a useless demand and inversely proportional to a very useful demand.
(Like hiking MPs salary is achieved in 40 seconds through a voice vote and the Lokpal is hanging fire even after 40 years)

The Third Law …
Every action by the people has a greater and opposite reaction by the Parliament.
An illustration…
Action: 1 Common Citizen (Anna) held 790 MPs to ransom.
Reaction: 1 common MP (Rajniti) held 1.2 crore Common Citizens to ransom.

© Sunil Rajguru

So much sound and fury over the Lokpal Bill and not an Act to show for it in the end.

Please sing to the tune of Ajeeb daastan hai ye from Dil Apna Aur Preet Parai…

Ajeeb Lokpal hai ye,
Kab ye shuru hua aur kab hoga khatam,
Ye manzile hai kaunsi,
Na sarkar samajh saka na hum,
(Ye Anna rosihni ke saath kyoon,
Dhuaan Team ka utha chiraag se),
Ye Lokpal khwaab dekhte hum sab kyun,
Ki jag pade ho khwaab se.

Ajeeb Lokpal hai ye,
Kab ye shuru hua aur kab hoga khatam,
Ye manzile hai kaunsi,
Na sarkar samajh saka na hum,
(Mubaarakein tumhe ke tum,
Kisi movement ke noor ho gaye)
Hal ke kitne paas the,
Aur hal se door ho gaye.

Ajeeb Lokpal hai ye,
Kab ye shuru hua aur kab hoga khatam,
Ye manzile hai kaunsi,
Na sarkar samajh saka na hum,
(Kisi ka Bill leke tum,
Naya Act kab basaaoge?)
Ye shaam jab bhi yaad aayegi,
Woh useless LS-RS debates yaad aayenge…

(Original Song: Ajeeb daastan hai ye.
Film: Dil Apna Aur Preet Parai.
Year: 1960)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Many years ago, India’s first Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru gave a brilliant speech called Tryst with Destiny.

With due apologies to the great man, here is a spoofed up and highly abridged version of that speech to describe the sordid events of the Rajya Sabha not passing the Lokpal Bill, which has been hanging fire for more than four decades…

(Maybe Rahul Gandhi could read it!)

Long years ago we made a tryst with tomfoolery, and now the time comes when we shall redeem our pledge, not wholly or in full measure, but very substantially. At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the Lok Sabha sleeps, the Rajya Sabha will awake to strife and tomfoolery…

At the dawn of 1968, India started on her unending Lokpal quest, and trackless decades are filled with her striving and grandeur of her failures. We end today a period of misfortunes and India trashes the Lokpal yet again…

On this day our first thoughts go to the architect of this freedom, the New Father of our Nation, Anna Hazare, who, embodying the old spirit of India, held aloft the torch of the Lokpal and lighted up the darkness that surrounded us. We have often been unworthy followers of his and have strayed from his message…

The future beckons to us. Whither do we go and what shall be our endeavour? To bring more tomfoolery to the common man, to the peasants and workers of India…

(This spoof by Sunil Rajguru)

∙ Lokpal movie…
Came in 40 Odd Years (Lok Sabha Chapter).
Sequel…
Gone in 40 Odd Hours (Rajya Sabha Chapter).

∙ Full Circle…
The world was created from Chaos.
Indian Parliament will always end in Chaos.

∙ Theme song for the failed Mumbai Anna agitation…
Kasa kay, bara aahe, I am Mumbhai, Lokpal bye bye…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Sonia: Puppetmaster.

Rahul: Trainee puppetmaster.

Manmohan: Puppet.

Pranab: Puppet doctor.

Sibal: Voice of the puppet.

Tiwari: Noise of the puppet.

Chidambaram: Shadow puppet.

Team Anna: Noisy audience.

News channels: TV without a remote.

Parliament: Punch and Judy Show.

© Sunil Rajguru

(Based on the story “Blind men and an elephant”)

The Lokpal Elephant was kept in a dark room and various people went to check it out.

Kapil Sibal felt the tusks and said, “This is pretty strong, hard and can rip apart almost anything!”

Laloo Prasad Yadav felt the leg and said, “My God! This is so strong! It can crush us any time!”

Arvind Kejriwal felt the tail and said, “This is so thin and useless!”

M Karunanidhi felt the ear and said, “This looks quite small and useless, my ministers will be safe.”

Mamata Banerjee tried to touch the trunk but it kept moving this way and that way and she exclaimed, “My God! I don’t even know what this is!”

Mulayam Singh Yadav felt the stomach and it rumbled loudly and so he ran out of the room.

Some Congress MPs went too close to its rear and got disgusted and ran away too.

LK Advani sat in the corner and refused to touch the elephant saying, “What do I care! We are not in power!”

This version by Sunil Rajguru