Dear Manmohan… idea for your first Tweet… 140 Zeroes… since you are a zero loss government…

∙ The PM has just completed a Thousand Tweets.
The only reason Twitter or anyone else hasn’t noticed is because all those Tweets were of Zero characters each, complying fully with his offline image.

∙ Why hasn’t Manmohan Singh Tweeted anything yet?
Because he was told that Twitter allows only 140 characters.
He’s making that list right now…
Character 1: Sonia, Character 2: Rahul, Character 3…

∙ Why is Manmohan Singh’s Twitter account like James Bond? Because it also has a 00 (double zero) in front of it: 0 (Tweets) 0 (Following).

© Sunil Rajguru

Prime Minister: Army chief problems… Supreme Courts raps… Corruption charges… Maybe a new President this year… Say it one more time: I am an honest and independent head of state… Nobody can remote control me… Running a coalition government is tough…
Errr… who’s speaking: Manmohan Singh or Yousaf Raza Gilani?

∙ One Indian player to another: OK, now Indian Test cricket is in serious trouble.
Our ad endorsement rates are falling!

∙ Umpire: This is your last warning if you don’t go faster, then you could face a one-match ban.
Captain (to himself): Good idea to get out of this dratted losing streak. As it is the board will never give me rest.
(To his bowlers): OK guys, forget the over rate, wickets are important!

∙ Indian Board official: Right, we are here to discuss Indian Test cricket’s biggest crisis in decades. Matches are getting over in just 3-4 days! We are losing so much revenue in terms of telecast days!

© Sunil Rajguru

It’s the economy stupid!=Economist Manmohan Singh made Prime Minister.

Love your enemy=No strong action taken against terrorists; China threat ignored.

Youth is the future=Rahul Gandhi is future PM.

Think before you speak=Kapil Sibal’s pre-screening of Internet content.

Speech is silver=Diggy Raja, Manish Tiwari & Co.

…and silence is golden=Manmohan Singh & Sonia Gandhi.

Black is beautiful=Refusal to expose Swiss Bank accounts.

With great power comes great responsibility=PM: Actually I have no real power and hence I have no real responsibility.

The importance of woman power=Sonia Gandhi president of the Congress party for record 13-years and counting, more than Mahatma Gandhi or Jawaharlal Nehru; dynamic Pratibha Patil made President of India; Sheila Dixit continues despite CWG blot.

Only the great defy gravity=Thanks to us you have continuous inflation, petrol hikes…

Get everyone on board before making a decision=Nobody is coming on board only nowadays! So from now on there will be no major decisions.

Albert Einstein said, “…the fourth world war will be fought with sticks and stones.”
If we have no breakthrough in the December agitation, then the fourth Lokapl war will also be fought with sticks and stones!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

…between MMS (Multimedia Messaging Service) and MMS (Manmohan Singh, Prime Minister of India)

∙ Mobile MMS allows for unlimited exchange of messages between two parties.
Political MMS allows for absolutely no exchange of messages, with one party always being on mute or silent mode.

∙ In the Mobile MMS scandal, the MMS was directly responsible for the scandal that affected the many lives around it and cost only a few Rupees.
In the Political MMS scams, MMS was not directly responsible for the same which involved the whole nation and cost thousands of crores of Rupees.

∙ Mobile MMS is barely 10 years old and has a bright future.
Political MMS is 79 years old with an uncertain future.

∙ Political MMS is based in India and does occasional global roaming.
Mobile MMS is based everywhere in the globe and is also on roaming.

∙ Political MMS liberalized India.
Mobile MMS liberalized the world.

∙ Political MMS is an economic wizard.
Mobile MMS is a technical wizard.

∙ LK Advani hates Political MMS.
LK Advani is too old to love or hate Mobile MMS.

∙ Political MMS can use Mobile MMS.
Mobile MMS can include content related to Political MMS.

∙ Political MMS rules India.
Mobile MMS rules large sections of the youth in the world.

© Sunil Rajguru

Anna Hazare finally breaks his maun vrat!

Now all eyes on Manmohan Singh to do the same…

P.S. Sonia Gandhi ko publicly last kab kisne bolte suna hai?

P.P.S. Rahul Gandhi kab maun vrat pe ja raha hai?

(And as far as Congress spokespersons are concerned… no that’s asking for a bit too much…)

© Sunil Rajguru

Move over Harry Potter, India has its own hero in the form of Manmohan Singh (MMS) with seven exciting books in the series.

MMS and the Sorcerer’s Wand: Our hero stumbles upon a magic wand that makes him prime minister of his kingdom. But what’s this? It is totally ineffective against inflation, price rise and media scrutiny! How will our hero overcome all of this? Read the Sorcerer’s Wand to find out!

MMS and the Chamber of Dirty Secrets: While exploring the kingdom, our hero stumbles upon the chamber that holds all the dirty secrets related to scams, corruption and other wrongdoings of the land. Being squeaky clean himself, how will he cope with this shock? And can his spotless white kurta escape the stains of all the muck around him? Read to find out…

MMS and the Prisoners of Tihar: One by one, our hero’s ministers start disappearing from his cabinet and magically apparate into Tihar Jail. Is all of this a conspiracy? And the curses and spells seem to be coming near the prime minister’s sacred inner cabinet. Can his top ministers escape? And more importantly, can he counter all the spells that are unleashed directly at him?

MMS and the Trial by Fire: Capturing the throne was the easiest part. Holding on to it is tougher. Every day our hero has to battle confidence motions, forces behind the throne, a belligerent cabinet, media scrutiny, funny fasting old men, a mysterious entity called the RSS along with forces from other evil kingdoms… Will he survive?

MMS and the Order of the Spokespersons: In this episode all the brain-dead empty headed leaders of the kingdom get together and form the highly idiotic and irritating Order of the Spokespersons. They plague the entire kingdom with their non-stop verbal spells that fly through the airwaves and multiply through cyberspace plunging the entire land into gloom. The movie version will be titled: The League of Extraordinarily Irritating (and not so) Gentle Men and Women.

MMS and the Half-blood Prince: Is the half-blood prince, who claims divine unbroken prime ministership from his father’s side, a friend or a foe? Will the prince redeem the kingdom and save it from ruin or will he usurp MMS from his coveted post and consign him to the dustbin of history? Can one live while the other survives?

MMS and the Deathly Fellows: We reach the last stage of the saga of the tragic hero. There is death and destruction all around. Reputations, schemes, plans are all dying with great regularity. No new spells can be created and the magic wand is busy deflecting mundane petty attacking spells all day. Will the lame duck manage to limp across the finishing line and maybe even take his fellowship into another term?

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Main azaad nahin hu!

Anna Hazare se mujhe bachao!

Nuclear policy ki waat lag gayi!

Mukherjeeda, main tujhe pradhan mantra nahin ban-ne doonga!

Oil prices, inflation, high taxation ka magic wand kahan hai!

Hisar chhootha, ab hisaab hi chhuthha ho jaayega!

Andimuthu Raja ye tune kya kiya!

Notes se votes nahin milte hain, cash-for-votes file bandh karo!

Swiss Bank list ki talwar abhi bhi sar par latak rahi hai!

Information ka Right ko bahaar pheko!

NREGA aur kitna paisa lega? Tijori hi khaali ho rahi ha!

G se bahut dar lagta hai… 2G, CWG, CAG, Soniaji, Rahulji…

Hum phir bhi chup rahenge… hahaha… tum sab chillaate raho!

This version by Sunil Rajguru