Latest sayings…
• You are the onion of my eye.
• You are worth your weight in onions.
• Show me the onions!

Caution!
• An onion a day gets the taxman to visit your doorstep.

2011’s most popular non-vegetarian dishes…
• Chicken no Pyaaza
• Pyaaza raha gaya mutton

New election slogan…
• Hum aapko denge Roti, Kapda, Makan, Bandwidth aur Pyaaz!

2010’s hit songs…
• Pyaaz, pyaaz na raha, lahsun, lahsun na raha, zindagi hame tera aitbaar na raha
• Goro ki na kaalo ki, ye duniya hai onionwalo ki

Onionology:
• The study of Onion Economics, Onion Politics, Onion Cycles and Onion Trade.
The Indian Institute of Onions will also roll out Onion Management courses.
The first Onion Billionaires are expected by 2011-12.

Hindi usage…
• Mujhe pyaas lagi hai! (A quenchable thirst)
Mujhe pyaaz lagi hai! (An unquenchable thirst)

Latest role models…
• Jains.
They have been doing away with onions and garlic for millennia!

Proposal…
• After the Stock Exchange and Metal Exchange, the government is considering a Vegetables Exchange for rare and precious vegetables.

Love boasts…
• Jitne tumhe aasman main tare nazar aa rahe hain, utne main tumhe pyaaz laake doonga agar tum mujhse shaadi karogi!
• My love for you is as deep as there are layers in an onion.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Opposition holds Parliament to ransom. No proceedings for weeks.
What it really means: Is there any change in the functioning of the country? No. We are irrelevant and the country’s on auto-pilot. All we are interested is in making money and that is going on without any stalling, thank you very much.

I am innocent. You have no right to accuse me. I only believe in the judicial system. Let the courts decide.
Meaning: Hahaha! They’ll take a few decades by which time nobody would know what the real issue was. I love judicial delay!

Raids conducted at the premises of top leaders all over the country.
Meaning: This is just to shut you up. Kuch hone nahin wala. Even if charges are filed, look at the “Meaning” right above this one.

Today a rally is being held in the city to protest against the corrupt state government.
Meaning: To add to your woes of corruption, let’s add some big traffic snarls today.

We will hold a bandh today to protest against the economic conditions of this country.
Meaning: To solve big economic problems, let’s give a lot of little economic problems to the traders and people.

© Sunil Rajguru

In business, it all ends in consolidation. Companies get larger and keep swallowing smaller companies.

In Indian politics, it’s all about fragmentation and disintegration.

After 1980, the Janata Party disintegrated…

After 1991, the Janata Dal fragmented into the RJD, SP, JD(S), JD(U), BJD etc.

The UP vote bank share has got divided between the Congress, BJP, BSP and SP.

The Maharashtra vote bank share has got divided between the Congress, NCP, BJP, Shiv Sena and MNS.

The latest to join the fray is the Andhra Pradesh vote bank…

…now Jagan will start collecting votes along with the Congress, TDP, Chiranjeevi along with the Telagana factor…

The Congress has split on many occasions, but luckily the splitting pieces mostly melted into the background.

As far as the BJP is concerned, while the party is intact, it is the leadership which seems to be disintegrating…

© Sunil Rajguru

Sometimes I think India (and I’m very much part of it) is the dumbest electorate in the world. While at the end of every election, the media goes ballistic on how mature the electorate is and how the people cannot be fooled, the truth is far from that.

It all began with Jawaharlal Nehru. What were his policies? Were they good or bad? Should alternatives be looked at? No-one cared. Nehru was such a gigantic personality, that the people voted for the Congress in general election after general election no matter what state the country was in. He would probably have been elected easily even if he had lived till the age of 100.

They say that the common man wants peace and hates war and that in reality war benefits no-one. But the electorate loves all-out wars.

Lal Bahadur Shastri brokered a peace in the Rann of Kutch. He was seen as weak. Then he won the 1965 war and was suddenly seen as strong, even though his policies remained the same. Indira Gandhi built her seventies rule on the Indo-Pak war even though it ruined the economy and led to the Emergency. The Siachen maneuver boosted Rajiv Gandhi’s image while the Kargil War put a spring in AB Vajpayee’s step.

Talking of the above Emergency, it was the Opposition which got the worst out it. What about the common man? He lived in a clean and efficient India where government officers did their work and trains came on time. Of course the common man hated the new efficient India and kicked Indira out at the first given chance.

They say the common man is interested in development: All he wants is roads, water, electricity, education etc. But pro-development Chief Ministers like SM Krishna and Chandrababu Naidu were unceremoniously shown the door. Even J Jayalalitha in her last term concentrated on development and was hence booted out.

Laloo Prasad Yadav had nothing to show for his 5 years rule. So he got re-elected. Then he had nothing to show for his 10 years rule, so he got re-elected again. The electorate loved his non-development so much that they even backed his wife, Rabri Devi, a total novice. When he was finally seen as an efficient Railway Minister, he was booted out both in his Centre and State as punishment for this new clean image!

In fact Mayawati after coming to power in Uttar Pradesh showed she could be as inefficient as Laloo. The electorate rewarded her with 21 Lok Sabha seats. The state that has shown minimum development in the last 30 odd years is West Bengal. So it is no wonder that the Left is the country’s longest lasting government there.

Now we have entered the era of Coalitions. That could also be because we have entered the era of the Confused Electorate, nothing else.

Of course, there are exceptions where the electorate has really made a wise choice. But there are so few of them that we could say that exception proves the rule.

The Indian electorate is always swayed by vague thing like sentiments, sympathy waves and communal/secular “images”. They are never worried about the real issues that concern them.

The Indian electorate is much like the stock market. You don’t know what really drives it and when and why it will suddenly crash.

© Sunil Rajguru

…as proud as Maya and her statues

…as spoilt as Mamata and her tantrums

…as unfulfilled as Advani and his dreams

…as stale as the Left and its government in Bengal

…as high-profile as Raj Thackeray and his miniscule achievements

…as low-key as Manmohan and his style of governance

…as destructive as Laloo and his Bihar rule

…as murky as cricket and its political patrons

…as huge as a politician’s black wealth

…as hopeless an Indian leader’s vision

…as blind as an Indian voter’s vote

…as brazen as a corrupt politician’s defence

…as ineffective as an Indian government scheme

…as opportunistic as Pawar and his tie-ups

…as two-faced as Vajpayee and his political life

…as fleeting as Deve Gowda’s prime ministerial stint

…as anonymous as Gujral’s prime ministerial stint

…as diplomatic as Amar Singh and his network

…as bankrupt as an Indian leader’s idea bank

…as fiery as a communal speech

…as enigmatic as Sonia and her mind

…as lasting as the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty

This Version By Sunil Rajguru