Life doesn’t give us all a second chance.

But Rahul will get at least 10 more chances to become PM.

(Read: Lok Sabha Polls)

P.S. Priyanka aur Robert ka number bhi aayega! Abhi haso, baad main jhelo.

P.P.S. 2012 main Pappu fail ho gaya, par agle baar zaroor pass hoga! (Nahin to uske agle baar, nahin to uske bhi agle baar… till 2050)

© Sunil Rajguru

Maya: Sab Rahul ne bigaada!
Rahul: Ye sab Maya hai!

∙ Akhilesh: Mere paas UP hai, satta hai, power hai, , future hai, state main goonda log, minorities, even middle class, sab kuch mere paas hai… tere paas kya hai?
Rahul: Mere paas maa hai!

∙ The Congress glass is half-full/half-empty spin (Con)…
Detractors: The glass is 7/8ths empty
Cong: The glass is 1/8ths full.
(Roughly based on UP Assembly seat share)

∙ RAHUL will now stand for Rahul After Humiliating Uttarpradesh Loss.
Or maybe…
Rahul nahin Akhilesh Hain Uttarpradesh ka Lal.

∙ In UP, BSP will stand for…
Bahumat: Samajwadi Party.

∙ Looks like Rahul gave more speeches than seats that the Congress party won.

∙ How Rahul spectacularly succeeded…
Rahul through his aggressive campaigning opened the eyes of the voters to Maya’s misrule. That’s why they promptly went ahead and voted for the SP!

∙ The Law of the Diminishing Dynasty…
Rajiv: 404 LS Seats.
Sonia: 206 LS seats.
Rahul: Less than 50 UP Assembly seats (In alliance!).

© Sunil Rajguru

An unequal fight…
The Team: Mere paas Anna (Bada bhai) hai, tere paas kya hai?
Rahul: Mere paas maa hai!
(Aur bonus main baap, dadi aur pardada ki legacy!)

∙ It’s a shame that any leader would want to build statues of himself or herself all over the place.
Once again it’s an Indian bureaucrat that is covering a politician’s shame.

∙ Congress war cry: Hamse jo takarayega, Corruption main mil jaayega.
(Take that Team Anna, BJP…)

© Sunil Rajguru

Wife: Swami!
PC: Woh naam mat lo mere saamne!

Party worker: Ki chhora Ganga kinare waala…
Maya: Mat gaana ga woh! Chhora haath dho kar hi peeche pad gaya hai UP ke!

Worker: Can sir…
Rahul: Cancer? Stop talking nonsense!

Sometime after the World Cup final…
Madam: Sachin is a real bharat ratna!
PC (To himself): Hmmm, now we’ll have to change the rules!

© Sunil Rajguru

Rahul Gandhi: Bihar is not developed because NDA is not focusing on the poor.
Rahul Again: Orissa is not developed because though it is rich, the people are poor.
Rahul Yet Again: Punjab is not developed because Central funds don’t reach the poor thanks to the State government.
And Rahul Yet Again: UP is not developed because of people like Mayawati.
Who Else but Rahul: India will not develop till UP is developed.

First Voter: What do you think?
Second Voter: I think Rahul is not developed!

PJ of the day…

Yesterday’s slogan if you didn’t have enough money to do something…
Majboori ka naam Mahatma Gandhi

Today’s Congress slogan if you don’t have any more ideas to revive your party…
Majboori ka naam Rahul Gandhi

© Sunil Rajguru

Yuvraj: Ab main Uttar Pradesh ke baare main baat karunga…

Pahala Prashna: UP se pahala Pradhan Mantri kaun bana tha?

Yuvraj: Errr… mere pardada…

Yuvraj: Errr… UP…

Teesra Prashna: 1984 main kaunsa Pradhan Mantri Uttar Pradesh se chun ke aaye the aur saare Lok Sabha ke seats le gaye the?

Yuvraj: Errr… mere papa…

Chautha Prashna: Aap aur Sonia kahan se chunav jeet ke aaye hain?

Yuvraj: Errr… UP… par woh sab chhodiye, mujhe ye rajya sirf dus saal ke liye deejiye…

Paanchva Prashna: Congress ne UP main kitne saal raj kiya?

Yuvraj: Errr… lagbhag  paitees saal… par woh sab chhodiye… Mayawati galat hain…

Chhatha Prashna: To sahi kya hain? Aapka vision kya hain? Strategy kya hai?

Yuvraj: Errr… koi vision nahin, koi strategy bhi nahin aur sahi kya hai main nahin jaanta, main sirf itna jaanta hu ki aap please please bheek mat mangiye doosre rajya ja ke!

Yuvraj: Errr… errr… errr…

(Aur kuch log hasne lagte hain…)

Diggy Raja: Khaamosh! Haso mat! Ek din ye Pradhan Mantri ban-ne hi waale hain, tab hum sab hasenge aur aap sab roenge! Ha ha ha ha…

Moral of the story: He who laughs last, laughs the longest…

© Sunil Rajguru

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
PC.
PC who?
PC you see in Parliament, but PC we no see, says the Opposition and decision making goes out of the window. Chee chee!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Dawood.
Dawood who?
They would still deny the existence of all dons, terrorists and accused hiding in their country.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Rahul.
Rahul who?
Dravid, if you want to save a Test match and Gandhi if you want to save the Congress.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Kasab.
Kasab who?
Kasab ka hisaab aaya hain, Rs 16 crore spent in 3 years!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru