• Sometimes I think that women are superior to men in every way. That is why God gave men a head start in this world by making them generally much physically stronger and taller to even things out.

• If only March 8 is Women’s Day, then does that mean that the remaining 364 days are Men’s Days?

• You know you’re not very popular when you get more phone calls from telecallers than those from actual friends and more spam message than actual emails.

• I like to travel the world through the universes of the TV and computer screens. The real world is too tedious.

• My reading habit is really down nowadays. It’s the electricity board’s fault. There are hardly any power cuts off late.

© Sunil Rajguru

· All Hail to Holi: The Festival of Equality. Everyone looks the same today.

(February 28)

· If there is such a thing as Colour Pollution, then Holi is it.

(February 27)

· India’s numerous victories are leading to more injuries. Just look at the players jumping on to each other and lifting up each other after every win!

(February 26)

· Why FB beats Twitter: I can put 200 exclamation marks:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!

· Sachin tum Sau nahin Do Sau saal jiyo!

· Sachin Ramesh Doubletondulkar

· Dear Twitter, for today, please allow 200 characters per message

· Actually it was just a Sau Sau innings

· Nightmare thought. What if Dhoni had hit 6 boundaries in the last over!

· Watching live on TV at home!!! Power returned when he was on 196! #wherewereuatsachin200?

· 200dulkar!

(February 24)

· Ad: Phir dil do hockey ko… Reality: Phir paisa do hockey players ko…

(February 19)

· Protest against Pak players. SRK protests. Protest against Aussie players. Protest against Andhra venues. Protest against Modi. Media houses protesting. Orissa venues protest… IPL = Indian Protestors League

· The ODI WC Final is a Destination. Once you win that, you stay for 4 years. The Test No. 1 Spot on the other hand is a Journey. So let’s hope the Indian Journey is Long & Memorable.

· Dhoni’s Test average as Captain is 72. (ODI average as Captain 59) Usually when an Indian player becomes a captain, we lose a good batsman. In this case, we gained one.

· Why we won: SA treated this match like a Test WC Final. So then they promptly went ahead and did what they are best at: Choking. OK, Just Joking. India’s Rocking. So is Amla.

· An eye for an eye, an innings defeat for an innings defeat…

(February 18)

· Rain rain go Away, Come again another Day, Little India wants to Stay (No. 1)

(February 17)

· The Sehwag Doctrine: Test match ho ya One-Day, Roz maaro chakke…

(February 15)

· No update for some time Reason #2343: Someone threw garbage and burnt it near the BSNL cable, which melted and had to be replaced. Silicon Valley, India, circa 2010

(February 13)

· My Name is 24-Hour Coverage

(February 12)

· From now on a new breed of VVIPs will be given extra security. VVIP= Very Very Important Picture (Is there any policing left for the common man?)

· Raj to Uddhav: I protested Amitabh, you SRK. Amitabh > SRK, therefore, I > You, Hence proved

· Buzzing In The Wind: How many social networking roads must a man walk down, before he turns totally insane?

(February 11)

· How many more Plastic Surgeries on the Face of Facebook? I won’t be able to recognize it any more.

(February 10)

· Next directive from Aussie Cops for Indian Students: Please use Fair & Lovely regularly to blend in with the locals. Thank You!

(February 8 )

· Raj took away the spotlight from Bal. Udhav took the spotlight away from Raj. And they all took the spotlight away from the real issues of Maharashtra.

(February 5)

· Coming Soon: Indo-Pak Talks Part 345. Next Change: Talks Collapse Part 345. Then a Storm and a Lull, More Talks, Another Break… ad infinitum…

(February 4)

· In India, People are bent on making the Tigers extinct. In Maharashtra, the Tigers are bent on making all the Other People extinct.

(February 2)

· IPCC = Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Controversies

· Don’t the Tigers know that the Pakistani Cricketer is already on the Endangered Species list? Best to leave them alone.

· With the way it’s been going for the last couple of years, he should change his name to: My Name is Controversy

(February 1)

© Sunil Rajguru

• Live every day as if it’s your last?
If I thought today was my last day, then I’d empty my bank balance and splurge, tell the world to go to hell (maybe even punch some enemies in the face)…
Then where would that leave me when I got up tomorrow and found that I wasn’t dead?

• “Oh God! Please make me a millionaire!” is a very dangerous prayer. You might go bankrupt and be left with just ten thousand Rupees. That’s a million paisa, ain’t it?

• If you are a bad boss, then never work from home or for yourself. You’ll only end up making your life miserable. For then you’ll be your own boss.

• I’ve got a sore wrist and aching fingers from watching bad TV.
(There are almost 200 channels and the battery of the remote is low!)

• The Sex God gives too much to too few and too little to too many.

© Sunil Rajguru

· Virtual Reality
Number of Connections: 500+
Number of Followers: 767
Number of Online Friends: 1023
Number of Real Offline Friends: 0

· If I have one thing to do, then I relax.
I have just one thing to do!
…and I do nothing.

If I have two things to do, then I get confused.
Which of the two to do?
…and I do nothing.

If I have too many things to do, I get paralyzed.
Oh my God! So many things to do!
…and I do nothing.

If I have nothing to do…
Well I have nothing to do!
…so I do nothing.

It’s all the same in the end.

· In India, ATM means Any Time Money except when…
…the machine is regularly out of order.
…the machine is regularly out of cash.
…there’s a power cut. This is India you know!
…there’s no network. Yes, that happens to Indian ATMs!
…you are tenth in the line and 2-3 people in front of you don’t know how to use an ATM card and keep trying and refuse to be evicted. You depart cashless. The ATM has all the time in the world, but you don’t.

· You are truly alone if you don’t have company for a tea break in your office.

© Sunil Rajguru

· I’ve been following American cartoons for some time now and I must admit, Obama is giving George W Bush stiff competition. He’ll get the cartoonists’ vote in 2012.

(January 24)

· Bangladesh helped us by taking 10 quick wickets. Otherwise India might have done 500 and with less time thanks to the fog and all, we would have drawn the match. Sehwag’s mental games worked.

· The theme of the 2012 US Presidential elections will still be “Change”. A Change from men who talk of change…

(January 21)

· There’s only one surge that has worked in the Af-Pak arena… “The Dollar Surge”… Dear US: Keep paying, keep bleeding, keep praying, keep wishing and keep getting fooled…

· Some people think if India stopped playing Cricket, then we’d miraculously start performing in other sports. It’s Mismanagement, Politics, Greed and Incompetence in all sports and not excessive focus on Cricket that’s the culprit!

· India-Australia is the new Indo-Pak of cricket rivalry. Pity that the hostility is spilling off the field too…

· Ignore Pakistan League

(January 20)

· Jab zinda hain to sirf kamzoriya dikhai deti hain… Jab zinda nahin hain to sirf acchai dikhai deti hain… Hum murdo ki puja karte hain aur zinda logo ki jaan lene pe tule rahate hain…

· What are we but virtually sum of our social networking accounts and email IDs…

(January 19)

· If one more Mobile player enters India, then the Spectrum will run for its dear life.

· Five Stars for Acting in 3 Idiots: A star each for Aamir, Madhavan, Sharman, Boman & Om Vaidya.

· When Sehwag’s bat talks, the opposition goes silent. When Sehwag talks, the Indian batting goes silent…

· That Nineties Feeling: The Indian batting order crashes for no reason and Sachin is the only Man left standing.

(January 17)

· Dada – Dravid ya ho Dhoni, Finals ki kahani wahi honi…

· When it’s much hotter, they scream: Global Warming! When it’s much colder, they scream Climate Change! When temeperature is normal, they scream: Will you just wait for something to happen and do nothing till it’s too late? You just can’t get the better of environmentalists…

(January 13)

· 1986. London. Hockey World Cup. India and Pakistan battle for the 11th place in a 12-nation tournament. India lose that too. That’s the day hockey died for me. I don’t know what to call the last 24 years.

· Indian Hockey. Goal: Chak De India… Obstacle: Cash De India… Result: Chuck De India. Country? What country?

(January 12)

· Lose ground to China. Lose plot with Pakistan. Lose spine with America. Lose all International strategy. This Government is sure one long episode of Lost.

· Kabhi Pakistan ne maara, kabhi China ne maara, kabhi Amrika ne maara, main hu India yaaro, mujhe har kisi ne maara…

· Hockey’s vicious circle — Players: Show me the Money. IHF: Show me the Victory.

· Chetan Bhagat ne ek vacant plot of land diya, jispe Hirani ne shaandar bungalow baandha…

· Give me some sunshine, Give me some rain, Give us some more such movies, That we can watch again and again… Lage raho Hiranibhai!

· There is not even one Idiot in 3 Idiots. Every character has given the performance of his life.

· 15 minutes of fame is passe. An On Demand 15 seconds of fame with 40 characters is in.

· The Australian Dictionary does not define India as a race and hence an attack on a person from that region is not Racist, hence proved.

· Baar Baar Khelo, Hazaar Baar Khelo, Ki Khelne Ki Cheez Hai, Indo-Lanka match, What Ho? (India, Lanka are almost a couple in cricket now)

(January 11)

· Breaking News: Aamir finally reads 5.someone and says: My God, it’s just like the movie! OK: Just joking, we’ve been made such Idiots, what’s one more idiotic statement anyway?

· For a generation which splurges thousands of Rupees at one shot, what is one paisa less per minute? Charge 25 paise more and give a top-class service/network/coverage and we’ll migrate just like that…

(January 7)

· Ever since Mamata became Railway Minister, train mishaps have spiked. I shudder to think what will happen when she becomes CM of West Bengal!

· All is Sales! Bhagat books re-selling like hot cakes, 3 Idiots doing Rs 300 crores.

· When Bollywood plagiarizes blatantly: All is Well! When they sign contracts and do things by the book: All Hell Breaks Loose!

(January 6)

· 2009 was definitely not the Year of the Tiger. Tiger Prabhakaran was shot down after decades. Tiger Woods had the worst image crisis of his career. The Indian Tiger was licked by the Chinese Dragon and US Democratic Elephant. Tiger Thackeray had a poor show at the elections.

(January 5)

· Chetan-3Idiots controversy is a win-win for all. Ticket sales up. Book sales up. TV channels get masala. We get a movie, book and a new tamasha to track.

(January 2)

© Sunil Rajguru

· At times…
…there is so much talk of Connectivity, that I feel Disconnected.
…there is so much talk of the Online World, that I feel totally Put Off.
…there is so much talk of the Unlimited potential of Cyberspace, that I feel Cramped.

· If the Earth stopped rotating and moving around the Sun and the Moon drifted off, then would the Days, Months and Years cease to exist? Would we become immortal in some quaint way?

· Isn’t there any software that makes Human Beings Interoperable?

· In 2570 BC, the Great Pyramid of Giza became the tallest man-made structure at 146 metres. Recently, Burj Khalifa claimed that record at 828m. Forget 828m, Bangalore (the place where I live) is yet to break the record set about 4500 years ago.

· You should use the Mobile phone when you are mobile. When you become stationary for long period of time: Switch the mobile off.

© Sunil Rajguru

· Today’s Wisdom: Stress pushes up cholestrol levels. Eating what you want makes you happy, hence stress-free. Eating what you don’t like stresses you, pushing up cholestrol. You do the Maths!

(December 29)

· When will the “Obama Hype Era” end?

· Thank God Headley is not being extradited to India. otherwise we would have had a Kasab Part 2

· The Kotla Pitch is actually the graveyard of the Future of Sporting ODI pitches in India. Now everyone will say: Make it Flat & Dead, let all the teams make 300-400. I’m Happy: You’re Happy.

(December 28)

· Tiger Woods has 14 major Pro titles in 10 odd years. And it was revealed that he had 14 girlfriends in 2009. Now that’s really balancing your personal-professional life perfectly!

· India finally has an answer to Tiger Woods: Tiger Tiwari!

· T… T… T… Telangana… T… T… T…Tiwari… T… T… T…Tera kya hoga re Andhra Pradesh?

(December 26)

· Dan Brown’s Lost Symbol should be called The Lost Plot (or The Lost Climax) (But I’m still a fan)

· Split Andhra… Split Jharkhand verdict… Split Home Ministry… This country has a splitting headache.

· A girl is molested. Her family is harassed. She commits suicide. More harassment. A 19-year wait. 6 months imprisonment. A 1000-Rupee fine. Justice Denied, Delayed, Mocked and Nullified?

· Overheard: Indian Fielder to Lankan Fielder: Tera haath mera haath se slippery kaisa? Raaz kya hain?

· Indo-Lanka Series Review: Matches 1&2: Batsman Star Wars. Match 3: The Bowling Empire Strikes Back. Match 4: Return of the Batting Jedis…

(December 25)

· Ah! I love the Cold Night Dew when India is chasing in a cricket match!

· A lesson on how to chase 300+ in singles.

· Mahi ke bina Way, Yuvi ke bina Raj! India all the way..

· Captain Dhoni and Matchwinner Yuvraj both missing. Cool! We’ll just do a Eden Garden Record Chase of 300+, Thank You!

· Will there be Tele-presence in Hyderabad, or will it go Independent?

· Dan Brown should write only the first 95% of each of his novels. The Final 5% he should leave to another writer, a good finisher. The results would be awesome.

(December 24)

· Andhra main sirf Telangana raaj karega… baaki sab issues gaye Tel lene…

· They recently discovered a planet with water. Cool! So if we ever run out of water, we have to travel just 40 light years to get some more…

(December 23)

· We are all waiting for the the Modern World’s First Big Environmental Global Disaster. Action will be taken after that. Till then enjoy life, bicker and rejoice compromises…

· Sometimes I think Kasab doesn’t exist & he’s a fictional character like Santa Claus

(December 22)

· Breaking News: The Copenhagen Summit just increased the temperature of the Earth by 0.00000000001 degrees!

· The Climate Meeting was a great success! We have agreed on the Agenda of the next Climate Meeting!

· Copenhagen. The Day After. Business as usual.

· If you really want to check climate change, then you don’t need a fancy summit at a fancy venue to do so.

· We will climb all the No. 1 pinnacles in cricket except the No. 1 in Fielding…

(December 19)

· Ek din ki chandini, phir andheri din/raat match hain…

· Change, like Charity, begins at home. But Climate Change, it seems, has to begin in the other person’s home.

· Golfer: OK, I’ll g… g… g… g…give up g… g… g… g…golf. Wife: The G word is Girlfriend you idiot, not Golf! Bye!

· Just like a Random Number Generator, the Twitter Home Page is a Random Message Generator

· Change Of Political Environment Not Happening Again, Greenbacks Ensure Nothing

(December 18)

· Kyoto. Bonn. Milan… Copenhagen… Venues anek. Nateeja ek?

· In the future, Tiger Woods will be respected and admired as the man who gave up both Golf and Girlfriends for his wife.

Googly Wave. Mere liye to woh ek Googly hi hain.

(December 15)

· For Google it was Brave, for most of us it was as dead as a Grave, anyone still want Wave?

· Looks like the slowdown has ended in India. OK! Now you can start wasting money, buying things you don’t really need and putting your money in highly risky money-making schemes.

· Dharti Maa hamse bahut naraaz aur ghusse se garam hain, isiliye Global Warming ho raha hain, sirf pradushan ke waje se nahin

· Pak’s employer is the US Govt. Their PR agency is the Taliban. Their policies are more about foreigners than citizens. Pak desperately needs a Second Independence.

· Post-Telangana, the concept of Mil baat ke khaayenge has been taken to a totally new level.

(December 14)

· So Tiger Woods is not in competition with Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer etc, but with Bill Clinton, Hugh Hefner and Casanova.

· Facebookers of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your brains!

· With the retirement of Bajaj Scooters, a Bit of the Old India just died.

· Raja says 3G in India is on schedule. He is right actually. He had probably scheduled it for 2015 in the first place.

· Green Summits aate hain, Green Summits jaate hain, par CO2 emissions wahi pe raha jaate hain…

· Indian Fielders were playing for Lankan Batsman. Lankan Fielders were playing for Indian Batsman. That’s one battle that the Lankan Fielders won.

· That’s why it’s called a Great Match. Our pathetic fielding was Matched by Lanka. India 211/11 beat Lanka 206/13

· Al-Qaeda can’t be defeated till Osama killed: US. That means if he’s already dead, then the US have already beaten Al-Qaeda, only they don’t know it.

(December 13)

· RGV is coming out with Rann 2 featuring the Telangana crisis. The theme song will be: Telan-Gana-Mana adhinayak jaya hain…

· Meri saas aspatal main. Biwi ghar chod ke chali gayi. Teesri, chauthi, paanchvi… (bolte rahahiye) aurat ka pol khul gaya. Ye sab shaurat, naam mitti main mil gaya… Main ek vishaal golfer bol raha hu, koi Ekta Kapoor character nahin!

· Angrez jaake 62 saal ho gaye, par “Divide and Rule” ka keeda ab tak Bharatvarsha ke system main buland hain…

(December 12)

· Very soon Farmville may demand statehood from Facebook (Which is already the 3rd biggest country in the world)

· From “Akhand Bharat” to Khandistan…

· KCR is the New Mahatma. Hyderabad is the New Chandigarh. Manmohan is the New Nehru.

· Change is inevitable. So is Climate Change. Change is resisted. So is Climate Change. Ultimately Change is accepted and adapted to. So will Climate Change be. Copenhagen will not even be able to reduce even the gas in the speeches of world leaders.

(December 11)

· Andhra Pradesh just went on a diet and shed a few districts. This fad may Fast catch on in other States.

(December 10)

· Sachin will retire from ODIs when he has 50 100s and a 100 50s.

· Carbon emissions 5% jyaada ho rahe hain, 5% kam karo… is-se vishaal duniya ko sacchi main kuch farak padega kya? Is Mother earth impressed?

· Woh Sikander hi dosto… kahalata hain… jyaada ICC anko ko jeetna… jise aata hain…

· Zimbly weight for thee Dubai griziz to enfold, eet eez note aze baed aze u theengk.

(December 7)

· South Africa were Test No. 1 for a record Less Time. Now that’s one record we don’t want to break!

· Don’t know if Copenhagen will reduce the Global Climate, but it has sure heated the Global Political Climate, especially in India.

· Dhoni ka hat-trick! At some point in his tenure, India has been No. 1 in T20s, ODIs and Tests!

(December 6)

· Great! After some decades, maybe a few hundred billion dollars and the loss of thousands of lives, the US is finally acting tough with Pak. (But is it really?)

· The Sehwag Saga… 309: The Fast & the Furious. 319: 2Fast2Furious. If not today, I’m sure that 3F3F will come one day…

· If the US wasn’t a friend of Pak, I think today Pak would have been much more balanced and developed…

(December 4)

·Bush let Osama get away because if he had caught him, then he would have had nothing left to do after that..

· Somewhere along the way, Sehwag lost his Test & ODI technique… so he simply decided to use his T20 technique in all forms of the game.

(December 3)

· 1 2 ka 4, 4 2 ka 1, yahi hain India ki ICC ranking ki kahani…

(December 2)

· “Change” has come in Indo-US ties. From “I Love Bush” it’s “I’ll do whatever Obama says”

(December 1)

© Sunil Rajguru